Subway Is Pulling The Plug On $5 Footlongs

USA TODAY- Subway Restaurants’ $5 Footlong jingle is the kind of ear worm that’s hard to get out of your head, but now you might have to. The iconic sandwich may no longer be at your local restaurant. Trevor Haynes, current CEO of the Milford, Connecticut, company, told USA TODAY in an exclusive interview that starting this month, each franchisee will be allowed to decide whether to sell the sub that is so famous.

When the chain brought back the $5 Footlong last winter after a years-long absence, many franchisees were irate. They complained loudly of the slim margins they earned off of the discounted ‘wich, and according to Haynes, the company – whose restaurants are 100 percent franchised – listened to the gripes.

RIP In Peace to a legendary promotion in the fast food game up there with McDondald’s Monopoly and the free Burger King crown. The Five Dollar Footlong was easily one of the smartest specials ever created to take advantage of American idiots like me with limited brainpower. I know that five dollars isn’t a lot of money and I know that a foot worth of food is a lot of food. I’m not sure if they had this promotion in Europe and named it the Five Euro Royale since they don’t know what the fuck a footlong is. But a promotion with an easy price point and a jingle that would cause Don Draper to cum him just cleaned slacks instantly was a huge winner for Subway, who was probably trying to make the world forget that their most famous spokesman turning out to be a pedo piece of shit.

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However, it sounds like the franchisees were not happy about the money that it was costing them and I can’t blame them. Even though my brain has been reduced to rubble by parenthood and 9-5 grind as a smut blogger, I remember that the reason people get into business to make money. And Subway wasn’t making enough. Yeah, part of the reason for that was their franchisees accepted clearly fake promotions from The Onion.

It also doesn’t help Subway’s cause that nobody would confuse their cold cuts with Boar’s Head and how it is quite concerning that every store has the EXACT same almost artificial bread smell no matter where you go. Personally I’d choose Panera’s mac and cheese bowls over anything Subway had to offer any day of the week and twice on Saturday while watching the Barstool College Football Show because everybody knows #SaturdaysAreForTheMac. Sometimes you just need to choose quality food over some little jingle that will never leave your brain no matter HOW HARD YOU TRY AFTER HEARING IT 100 TIMES ON AN NFL SUNDAY.