Good News For the Haters: I Passed out 3 Times Today. Bad News For the Haters: I Woke Up Each Time

So I had a doctor’s appointment today and had to give blood. I told Greg RN that I wasn’t great at giving blood, but I don’t think he took me seriously. Well he learned the hard way that Dave Portnoy does everything to the Max. Even giving blood. My brain knows that I stink at giving blood. Therefore it tries to shut down my entire nervous system to prevent me from getting hurt. It’s like some super high powered computer system that goes into lockdown mode because it senses danger and nothing can override it. That’s how powerful my brain is.

Well long story short my brain put my body into sleep mode and I passed the fuck out. I woke up to smelling salts. And then boom right back out again. Smelling salts again. Out again. Smelling salts for a 3rd time until they put me on a table and fed me graham crackers to get my blood sugar level back to normal. Listen I’m not telling this story to act like some hero. But I just do want to say I don’t know that there is anybody else at Barstool, New York, New England or the world who would come back to the office after passing out 3 times and needing to be resuscitated by smelling salts 3 times. But I did. Why? Simple. #NoDaysOff. The heart attack didn’t kill me.

And neither will this. Bad news for the haters of which there are many.

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PS – I am still wearing this bandage because of 1 reason and 1 reason only. I think it makes me look athletic.