What If Football Was In The Olympics: Team USA’s Offense
This is basically football fanfiction. On Mickstape, we talked about if the Olympics had American Football and the NFL allowed their players to play for Team USA. I have thought about this for years and have always loved the idea of Team USA football just obliterating other country’s putrid teams. In a three-part series, based on a fan vote, I will take a look at what Team USA would look like, starting with the offense, then the defense and finally a post about how the games would play out. Huge shout out to @TrigDraws on Twitter, who did all of these cartoons.
NOTE: The players on the team were decided from a fan vote on Twitter.
The starting offense is unstoppable. They won’t run many plays with a fullback, but I put Kyle Juszcyk in there just to be fair to other countries. Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers might just fuck around and alternate series. They might even alternate plays! I decided to give Tom Brady the start because of the fact I work for a Boston sports company.
I know Bill Belichick and Mike McCarthy would not want their quarterbacks to get hurt, but with the starting offense line Team USA boasts, they won’t get sacked or pressured once. One of the linemen would literally have to trip over their own feet to give up a sack. Giving these quarterbacks that much times means the offense will have a shot to score over 70 points every game.
Tom Brady, probably the GOAT, needs an Olympic Gold Medal to solidify his top spot. Literally, no other quarterback in the world would be able to say, “I won a Gold Medal as the starting quarterback in the Olympics.” That right there would clinch GOAT status.
Meanwhile, Aaron Rodgers is too good to not have a spot on this team. He will get plenty of snaps and might rotate with Tom Brady after the New England Patriots quarterback starts Team USA’s group stage opener against Canada. More mobile than Brady, you could argue that Rodgers would be the most unstoppable quarterback in the Olympics.
Baker Mayfield is one of the rookies who got voted onto the team. He just edged out Cam Newton, who would have been even more unstoppable than Aaron Rodgers. This is basically Christian Laettner on the Dream Team, he won’t play much but he is there and will be a part of the eventual win.
Well, Le’Veon Bell can’t hold on a team who can’t pay him. I decided that he didn’t deserve the start, though, and gave the honor to Todd Gurley. Every couple rushes I could see Gurley just seeking out defenders to truck them into the turf.
The same goes for Marshawn Lynch, who might not even get tackled. If Team USA gets inside the 5-yard line, they will score with Beast Mode every single time.
Le’Veon will get his fair share of carries and surely crush each team. The other rookie on the offense is Saquon Barkley, who should see more time than Baker Mayfield. Teams typically stack the box against Barkley and hold him to some small yard, but other countries won’t be able to do that against the rookie. Once he has an opening to bust open a big run, he will achieve it with ease.
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Bottom line, this is a lethal four-headed monster.
This is the group I am most excited about. It’s a treasure trove of whos-who of top wide receivers in the NFL. They might be able to get away with just Antonio Brown on the field, but why not throw in guys like Odell Beckham and DeAndre Hopkins as well?
Josh Gordon is also one of the top four receivers on the team and will be impossible to guard with his height. A fade to the back of the end zone should be a touchdown to Gordon, A.J. Green, DeAndre Hopkins and Julio Jones each and every time.
Stefon Diggs is a monster, as well, but I am most excited about Tyreek Hill on the team. I think the best play for Team USA will be the “just throw it deep to Tyreek” play.
There isn’t a defender in the world that can keep up with Hill. He would just run straight every time. Hill’s average yards per catch wouldn’t be below 30 yards the entire Olympics.
The Gronk spike would strike fear into the hearts of all countries. The spike would be just as terrifying as this LeBron block against Angola back in the 2008 Summer Olympic Games.
I just don’t know how any countries would be able to cover Gronkowski, Travis Kelce or Zach Ertz. Even if they find a taller defender, I doubt anyone is athletic enough to keep up with them or make a good play on the ball.
A three tight end set with these guys on the field would be a lot of fun to watch.
Offensive lines might not be the most exciting part of football games, but I would be very intrigued to see if they could go all six games without allowing a sack.
The offensive tackles are ridiculous on this team. They would bully the shit out of every defender and might be able to handle two defenders at once with ease. The amount of time Brady and Rodgers would have in the pocket would allow them to go through their reads maybe two to three times.
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On the interior, any combination of these guys will open up gaping holes for all four Team USA running backs. No blitz or scheme would be able to penetrate the inside of this offensive line. The third rookie on offense for Team USA would be Quenton Nelson of the Indianapolis Colts.
Justin Tucker may not end up being the best kicker in the Olympics, just based on how great soccer is in other countries. Still, Tucker has a monster leg and is one of the most accurate kickers in NFL history.
I’m not even really sure what scenario would allow Justin Tucker to kick a field goal. It would probably just be an end of the half scenario because I don’t see Team USA doing anything other than scoring touchdowns.
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This is my ridiculous fanfiction and I love it. While the offense is amazing, I think the defense is the best part of the team. They’re a literal brick wall. We will take a look at that half of the team tomorrow.