Office Manager Brett's Most Underrated Move Was Putting A Motion Sensor Light With A 30 Second Timer In The Poop Bathroom
I love OM Brett. He’s like my favorite dude here. We exchange very nice bottles of whisky for our birthdays. It always upsets me when people are so mean to him and yell at him on national radio. Like come on – this is Barstool Sports. We’re really supposed to have a competent office manager? Since when did we sell out? We were born for a shitty decrepit office environment with constant problems. It’s the same way I view typos and grammar errors – Barstool wouldn’t be Barstool without them. And it’s also no secret what a disaster our bathroom situation is here at HQ. Chaps has been blogging about it since the day we moved in here and he christened it with his world famous Purple Heart diarrhea. Two stalls right next to hard working editors, always with a line. Horrible, stressful, anxiety inducing experience.
Everyone knows that. But I think that maybe the most underrated move out of all of Brett’s moves was having a motion sensor light put into the poop bathroom – with a 30 second timer. I mean it’s obviously not specifically labeled “poop bathroom,” but it’s the roomier corner one with a window so like, it’s not rocket science. It should be the more comfortable option. Instead the second you sit down your mental clock instantly starts ticking thinking about how soon you’ll have to be one of those inflatable guys outside of car dealerships.
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Again I’m not complaining and I couldn’t be happier Brett worked his way up from snack boy to like #2 in charge behind Erika, I’m just saying, it’s pretty funny how awful of an idea this was.
PS,
Ladies, notice I didn’t say “earmuffs” at the beginning. That’s because I know you’re reading this and I know you WANTED to read it. You’d never say anything. You’d never complain. You’d be too embarrassed. You think boys know you don’t poop. But believe me. I empathize. It’s a god damn war zone over there for you. This is for you.