OJ Simpson Is Officially On A Diet Because Everyone In Prison Calls Him Fat And Tells Him He Will Never Get Chicks When He Is Eventually Released On Parole




O.J. Simpson's new mugshot

(Source) OJ Simpson is not only pining for his freedom, he also longs for the days when he was described as a handsome hunk and not a flabby failure. And he’s finally doing something about it. According to a close family friend, the 66-year-old disgraced gridiron great is desperately trying to lose weight, tired of reading published reports that he is old and fat since he appeared at a bail hearing last summer in an effort to have his 2008 armed-robberty conviction overturned. ‘OJ has been upset. Everybody keeps talking about how he’s gained so much weight and that he looks awful!’ the friend explained

He was described as bloated, overweight and struggling to walk with his bad knees. He was tipping the scale at 300 pounds. When the the hearing was over,  OJ was transported from the Las Vegas jail back to his cell in the Lovelock, Nevada Correctional Center where he began reading reports about his case. But after briefly mentioning what happened in court, everyone seemed to focus on his appearance calling him an ugly old fat man who could barely walk. ‘OJ was really p***** off because he’s used to being called the hunk, handsome or a lady’s man so he decided to start getting more exercise and eating less carbs and junk food,’ the friend continued.

‘At one time OJ was dubbed the ‘cookie monster’ at Locklock because he would grab as many cookies as he could in the chow hall and he would also try to sneak cookies back to his cell. ‘One time he got caught by the guards and they embarrassed him in front of the other inmates. He also loves ice cream sandwiches and would eat three or four at a time. ‘OJ would rather eat junk food than what they had for lunch or dinner in the chow hall.’ Inmates typically eat hot or cold cereal like oatmeal or Cheerios for breakfast. For lunch they typically get cold sandwiches of bologna or peanut butter with carrots or some oher veggies on the side and there is a rotation burgers, hot dogs and some sort of pasta for dinner. ‘He has a lot of health problems but he didn’t think about trying to get them under control until everyone started calling him a fat pig. And he was afraid the ladies would stop writing and sending pictures of themselves to him.

‘OJ’s priorities are still backwards.’OJ cares more about what women think of him instead of what his children think of him and what he plans to do if he’s released on parole in 2017. The friend says is growing a goatee, it’s completely white hair, but he’s trying a different look hoping to distance himself from the ‘old OJ’ like that is going to help his image.




Pretty hilarious story. Just gross tubby OJ getting shamed in the prison yard because he eats Pasta and ice cream all day long. People calling him cookie monster because he steals cookies from the dining hall like a fat little squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter. Pissed off that the other inmates don’t think he’s hunky anymore, which I have to admit, is slightly strange, to be angry that people you share a prison with don’t find you super hot anymore but whatever. The point is this, OJ is officially on the road to recovery. No Carb Summer style. You want to call him gross and fat, get your jabs in now, because when OJ gets paroled he’s going to be a lean, mean, fighting, machine. Watch out ladies, the new Juice is back. Also watch out because he very well could murder you if you make him mad.




What the fuck was his friend talking about here?


‘OJ’s priorities are still backwards.’OJ cares more about what women think of him instead of what his children think of him and what he plans to do if he’s released on parole in 2017



Huh? Who the fuck cares about what their children think? They’re his children, they have to love him no matter what. Wanting to get skinny so you can fuck hotter chicks is literally the only reason to get skinny in the first place. I would say OJ has his priorities in the exact correct location.