Don't Stop Believin'

Lemme ask you something: When did you stop believing in Santa?

I think I was around 10 or so before I started to question it. Truth be told, I don’t remember much from my childhood, but I can recall vividly one of my uncle’s girlfriends telling me there was no Santa, and as a result, I can also remember her as being an evil Italian hoo-ah with a big nose.

Nowadays 10 might be a little on the old side to still believe because this world is so terrible, but my 8-year-old is still on board, and I love it.

So she comes home from school on Friday and casually says to me that a middle eastern boy a couple of years older told her and a group of her classmates that there was no Santa. I could tell she wasn’t overly phased by it, but definitely wanted to hash it out a little with me.

What do you say to your kid in that situation?

Maybe you tell her, “Not everyone believes in Santa, so not everyone gets presents.”

Or say, “Sweetheart, you might be at the age where people stop believing, but it is up to you if you want to keep going. Santa is there for believers of all ages.”

Or do you say what I said… “Well, my little angel, there’s a good chance this kid’s family prays to an elephant god with 8 arms, so if he can’t get on board with an old fat guy that gives you gifts for being a good person, well then he can kinda go fuck himself, don’t you think?’

She smiled and nodded her head because she gets me. Then I slipped a dollar in the swear jar, and we went out for chicken parms.

And I casually said as we drove out of sight- “Merry Friday to all, and to all a good night!”

(except that one fucking loudmouth kid)

Take a report.

-Large

PS- Conversely, if there is some little prick out there who wants to fill my kid in on the fact the Elf On A Shelf is a stupid tradition, I will give you $50… I hate that fucking thing.