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I Refuse To Believe Pete Davidson Gives One Single Fuck That Chaps Called Him "Butthole Eyes"

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By now you probably know the story- Chaps wrote a blog about Pete’s eyes, and Ariana tweeted at Barstool’s main account last night in defense of Pete. Now, I don’t want to put words in Pete’s mouth, but there is just no way in Hell he gives a single fuck that Chaps called him “butthole eyes”. There’s just no possible way. Pete is, in my opinion, one of the best comedians out there when it comes to making fun of himself. As you might know, his dad died on 9/11. He includes jokes about that in his act. At the Justin Bieber roast, Pete joked “I lost my dad on 9/11 and I always regretted growing up without a dad. Until I met your dad, Justin. Now I’m glad mine’s dead.” He added “Soul Plane was the worst experience of my life involving a plane.” Really fucking dark and funny jokes. But I’m expected to believe he cares that Chaps compared his eyes to buttholes? For sure not.

As for part 2 of Ariana’s tweets,

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Over the last 3 years, Pete has agreed to go on KFC Radio no fewer than 10 times. But as we know, he was going through some shit. Break ups, depression, drug addiction, personality disorders, all of it. He would agree to come on and then flake. The last time I spoke to Pete, he reached out to me out of the blue apologizing and asking when he can go on Kevin’s show. He seemed to be in a bad state of mind, but I responded as always and that’s the last I heard from him, until he randomly followed me on Instagram a couple months later. It felt like he would fall into a dark place and then feel bad and try to make up for it. It had become a joke between Kevin and I about getting Pete on the show because of how flaky he was. It’s crazy to think about now because in this very universe, at some point, Ariana Grande has had a conversation about KFC Radio. The show that talks about microwaving babies. Pretty wild.

In my opinion, the fact Ariana Grande tweeted out the words “butthole eyes” to her 9 trillion followers has to be one of the funniest things ever to Pete. He is living in another world- he’s engaged to a mega-star, living in her $16 million NYC apartment, and she is tweeting out the words “butthole eyes” trying to defend his honor. WHAT PLANET ARE WE ON?!

I could be wrong, of course. Maybe Pete does care. Maybe that’s where he draws the line. The professional comedian who makes a living making jokes at his own and other people’s expense cares about *checks notes* Uncle Chaps *checks notes* comparing his eyes to butts. Yep, I’m sure that’s his line. I can’t even entertain the idea that he’s actually offended.

At the end of the day, Ariana was just trying to defend Pete. Nothing wrong with that. Nobody is mad at her. It’s all fun. We’re living in a world where people are tweeting about butthole eyes. Obviously Pete still has the open invite to come into HQ, and Ariana is invited as well.