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I Wish I Knew How Much Money Everyone Had So I Would Know If I Should Feel Good Or Bad About Myself

I’ve been thinking about this for a while- I wish I knew how much money everyone had. It’s one of the only things you can never really know about your friends and even family members, but it would make life so much less stressful if you did. I don’t necessarily dislike the amount of money I personally have- I have money in checkings, in savings, in an IRA, 401k, and in stocks. I have zero student loan or debt otherwise, so in reality I should feel good about myself. But in actual reality, all I think about is wanting more money. I sit and stare at my bank account for hours on end, wishing that number would be higher. Wishing I had more money to my name. But the thing is, I have nothing to compare it to. Maybe I should actually feel good about the amount of money I have? I look over at Trent- do I have more money than him? What about just like, random people at bars? How are they doing financially? Can any of us afford anything? I can’t figure it out- are we all poor or are we doing fine? It keeps me up at night.

I read articles all the time that say things like “you should have $100,000 saved by the time you’re 30″. Like, what the fuck? I live in New York City, bitch. My rent for my one bed room walk up could feed Zah’s entire African village for 3 years. And I guess that’s part of the problem- I choose to live alone, in one of the most expensive cities there is, so that’s on me. But I do what we all do when it comes to spending money- I rationalize it. For example I walk to work so since I don’t spend money on transportation, that’s money right there I can put towards rent. Voila, free money! I made money playing poker a few times, so I can put that towards a more expensive rent, right? And remember that time grandma died? She would want me to live in a nice apartment. Would hate to let grandma down. I feel we all do things like that to rationalize spending excess money on things that we could do for cheaper (especially ordering dinner instead of grocery shopping) but it doesn’t put money back in our bank accounts.

Which brings me to my next point:

How in the world are there people my age with freaking KIDS? I’m here scared to buy a new pair of shoes or to book a vacation, and there are people my age with multiple children they need to make sure eat food and have clothes and all that other stuff that goes towards keeping an entire other person alive. It blows my freaking mind. I got that stomach ulcer earlier in the Summer and I thought I was going to have to pick up some night shifts at the Olive Garden to pay my medical bills. Imagine mixing a kid into that equation? I’m starting to think Casey Anthony was on to something.

At the end of the day, I think everyone pretty much subscribes to the same general philosophy- work, make a little bit of money, blow it all on weekends, and figure everything else out along the way. And then in between, have massive panic attacks because nobody understands life even a little bit.