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11) Does Pete Davidson Have Butthole Eyes?

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First of all, I don’t mean that to offend. It’s an honest question. Let me clarify for a second.

Have you ever seen an asshole? Have you ever seen the skin of a buttcheek? Now, and stay with me for a second…

Have you ever seen the skin inside the buttcrack that’s about 1-2 inches away from the asshole? It’s darker than normal, right? I think it’s because of all the wiping. It might be staining from the stuff that comes out but I doubt it. I think it’s longterm trauma or bruising but it also very well might be staining. After all, why would anal bleaching be a thing if it was bruising? You cant bleach a bruise. Everybody knows that. It’s a stain.

But why are Pete Davidson’s eyes like that? Now, I know what you are thinking, “Chaps, that’s just your common case of raccoon eyes. Case closed.”

Not so fast my friend. The hair of a raccoon gets lighter around the eyes. That’s why the hair on the raccoon’s eyes are white and the area on the outside is black.

“Kinda thinking you have raccoons mixed up with another animal, Chaps. Look. Here’s a picture of a raccoon.”

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Oh damn. You’re right. I guess butthole eyes and raccoon eyes are the same thing. Common mix up. It probably takes less time to explain raccoon eyes so let’s just go with that. So, to correct my headline, Pete Davidson has raccoon eyes. Simple as that.

Here’s a 13-minute video of Pete and his girlfriend Ariana Grande being cute. Before you watch that, let me remind you that Ariana Grande’s name should probably be Ariana Pequeno because she’s actually small. RIP Ironghazi.