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Miracle On Ice Part 2: Turkmenistan Defeats Kuwait 24-2

Alright so apparently this went down a few months ago but considering it was an IIHF DIII World Championships qualifying game, I’m assuming that 100% of you are in the same boat as I and had no idea that both Turkmenistan and Kuwait even have hockey teams in the first place. For the sake of transparency since I’m a well respected member of the media, I have to mention this is a few months old. But for all intents and purposes, it’s new to us and what a wild game this must have been. Now if you’ve only read the headline so far and you watched this clip,

…you’re probably assuming that Kuwait is wearing white and Turkmenistan was in blue, right? You say to yourself, “well the score was 24-2 so I’m just gonna go ahead and use the context clues here to conclude that the team who is scoring 200-ft goals from one goal line to the other was the team who ended up putting 24 in the back of the net”. But guess what, bozos. You couldn’t be further from the truth. That right there is the Turkmen giving up that Two hundo foot goal. Quick sidenote here: Huge fan of people from Turkmenistan being able to call themselves Turkmen. Think that works well to their advantage in international competition like this. Sure, it kind of sounds like they are half turkey, half man. But Turkmen sound strong, they sound powerful, they sound like they should be feared. What do you even call people from Kuwait? Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe that’s what the Turkmen goalie was thinking about when he let that shot go in. Who knows?


The fact of the matter here, however, is that Turkmenistan just joined the IIHF this year. But don’t let the fact that they’re the new kids on the block trick you. History often has a knack for repeating itself. And just as Team USA shocked the world in 1980 by taking down the Soviet Red Army, Turkmenistan is primed to shock the world this time around. Anytime you can beat the shit out of a team by a score of 24-2 even when your goalie would get lit up by a beach ball, you know you’re dealing with greatness. Do they have a word for “Miracle” in Turkmen? If not, they better find one quick.

P.S. – If for some reason you are the most bored human being on planet Earth today and have absolutely nothing better to do for a couple of hours, here’s the full game. Don’t say I never did anything for you.