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Dont Click This: The Worst Double Proposal You'll Ever See

This double proposal is absolute buttcheeks. I can imagine a double proposal being beautiful beyond measure but this simply is not it. This is fake. It’s rubbish. It’s ballyhoo.

If the moment would have been right, we are looking at another Notebook type scene. Instead, we are left with this garbage juice of a proposal. This is the type of proposal that streams from the back of a New York truck on a hot summer’s day. After all the eggs, fish, and remains from the many packages of hamburger meat, this proposal is what drips out of the crease of the truck as it makes twists and turns heading toward the Lincoln tunnel and on its way out of town.

I have a few bones to pick. Let’s begin.

First of all, it’s sunny. You dont propose in the middle of the day at Disney. You wait until the darkness has folded over Cinderella’s castle. After all, it’s in the middle of the night that the Ball was born and as a Disney guy, I know it’s disrespectful to propose in the middle of the day. Ariel was kissed under the cover of darkness.

Jasmine was whisked away on a magic carpet ride under the stars. Why break tradition, you cunts? It’s disgusting! Have some sense of decency.

Secondly, you’re supposed to have the ring in your pocket, not the free shoulder bag that you got for being one of the first 300 guests at your local A-ball team’s stadium.

I’m not sure how any self-respecting man or woman could marry a person who has such little self-respect that they would wear a backpack with a fucking drawstring. I hate this couple. I hope they break up before they even leave Disney. And before you ask, no. I’m not writing this because “my wife would rather keep her options open before proposing to me.” It has nothing to do with that. My wife will ask me to marry her when she’s ready for the commitment.