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Friday Homestretch/AFTP

After a pretty volatile week for the market, it seems like an uneventful Friday.  Markets are mixed and volumes are light.  China and Turkey are still in focus, and will be even more so, as earnings season comes to an end.

Cameron Diaz’s ex-boyfriend, Elon Musk, still garnering his fair share of headlines. TSLA down 8% today after the WSJ said the company was under SEC scrutiny over Model 3 production even before this latest saga surrounding Musk’s privatization tweets, while a New York Times interview with Musk highlighted some of his personal and professional difficulties.

I don’t have a ton to say today, but I heard people may be using Friday comments for confessions again, so I will get straight to this week’s Ass From The Past.

She may be a polarizing sexual figure because her longevity lends itself to criticism. Those who knew her back in the day, are probably fans, and those who have seen her lately will take a hard pass.  However, I just watched The Mask for the 1,200th time with my kids, and I think that Cameron Diaz was sexy as hell in the mid 90’s, so I am putting her up as this week’s AFTP.

My only hesitation in choosing this specific lovely lady is that I have a general distaste for an unrelated social misfit that I worked for years ago with the same last name as Cameron… But for the sake of content, I will let that go.

If you look at Diaz’s IMDB page, The Mask is the first movie she is credited for as an actress in 1994, but IMDB is fake news.  Cameron starred in a low budget 30 minute soft-core porn flick called She’s No Angel in 1992.  The image results for this particular movie are pretty grainy and 100% topless, so I won’t post here, but give them a Google at some point…. For goofs.

I don’t think Cameron Diaz is normally mentioned when people are asked to name their top 5 favorite actresses, but she’s had some iconic roles, right?  She was an angel for Charlie twice, she was Shrek’s wife 4 times, she did a Scorcese movie in Gangs of New York, AND she was Mary in There’s Something About Mary.  That’s 8 semi-solid movies… Six of which I have masturbated to, while the other 2 are Charlie’s Angels.


We speak about the knock list of guys like DiCaprio or Scott Baio, but when you look at the dudes that Diaz has banged, her resumé is just as impressive:

Justin Timberlake, the guy who played Leonidas from The 300, Ed Norton, Matt Dillon, Jared Leto, Jude Law, Bradley Cooper, Keanu Reeves, Puff Daddy (or whatever the fuck he likes to be called now), the guy from Maroon 5, Elon Musk, and A-Rod.

Writing all that out makes me realize that, on top of being AFTP, she was also a bit of a slut… That is, until three years ago, when she decided to hang up the old vagina, and marry a guy from a forgettable 90’s band called Good Charlotte.

And I read this under a Snapple cap- The last time she was topless on screen was in 2014, for a movie called Sex Tape

And here’s the last thing I will say about Diaz… She knows when to walk away.  The soon-to-be 46 year old actress has no roles in production, and no plans to return to the big screen.  She’s had Botox in the past, and a nose job that she claims was for “health reasons”…


But she’s not going to wind up like a hundred other actresses who surgically alter their bodies beyond recognition, just to get one more shot at stardom.


I admire that, and it is one of the reasons she is this week’s Ass From The Past.

Enjoy the weekend, gents.

Take a report.


Side Note: I am going to head over on Sunday to Arcola Golf Course in Paramus, NJ to support golfer Morgan Hoffman’s fund raiser for muscular dystrophy.  If you’re already going, I will be the bald guy at the bar with a wine glass stuck to his head.  Here’s the link… Celebrity Pro-Am – Morgan Hoffmann Foundation for Curing Muscular Dystrophy