This New Sport Is The Front Runner To Join The 2024 Summer Olympics (Plus Bonus Mt Rushmore Of P.E. Games)

Where was this game when we were growing up? This is the most entertaining game I’ve ever seen. So simple, yet so competitive, and combines everything you need as a kid- competition, a little physical activity (but not too much), and rock paper scissors. And not to mention the immense amount of pressure to win the RPS matches. Imagine being the last line of defense when your back is against the wall and you need to win the match to save your team. Everyone counting on you and just you. It’s more pressure than a soccer PK. Save a game in gym class for your team makes you a 5th grade legend. Susie from social studies will start winking at you from across the classroom, the lunch lady will give you an extra carton of milk, the whole nine yards. The life of luxury!

Quick Mount Rushmore of elementary school P.E. games:

4) This Scooter:

Want to have fun while simultaneously trying to avoid chopping off your fingers? Well boy do I have a game for you! Those scooters could fly if you could get a good rhythm, or you could lose a pinky, and there was very little inbetween.

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3) Cheese Mat:

Tumbling day was a big day in P.E. There were always a few people who could do a roundoff when everyone else was still doing cartwheels and they might as well have been crowned King right then and there. Our P.E. teacher Mr. Palmer used to put on movie scores while it was tumbling day and everyone would be flipping all around to the Indiana Jones theme. I’m sure we were literally awful at everything, but those cheese mats were so fun.

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2) Book Fair:

Ok fine this isn’t a gym class game but how cool were book fairs? Almost made you want to read a book, almost. I don’t know if all book fairs were the same but ours had posters. My mom would let me pick out one poster every book fair, and I would always get the most fire posters. Got these two back to back:

Mix in those poster and a little “When You Give A Mouse A Cookie” and you had yourself a great book fair.

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1) Parachute Day

You knew it was going to be #1 and it doesn’t even matter. Nothing was better than parachute day. It was Pretzel Day before Pretzel Day existed. We probably played 20 different games with the parachute. We would bounce soccer balls off it, elimination games with it, some game that probably should have been illegal when you tried to trap people under it. I don’t know how more people didn’t suffocate and die, but that’s not the point. When the parachute came out, everyone lost their mind. It was like Oprah giving away cars. Kinda fucked up after 5th grade you just never play with a parachute again. Really fucked up, the more I think about it.

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And just one more thing- the anti-Mount Rushmore of gym activities- the goddamn Maypole.

Fuckkkk the Maypole and everything it stands for.