"Welcome To Gout That Life" by Brandt Tobler
Hello friends!
My name is Brandt Tobler and I am a comedian, author, brand new blogger, and overall nice guy living with gout! If you don’t know what gout is…it’s called the “Kings Disease” and you get it from having an amazing life. (Well that’s what the internet says) Trust me you will never meet a girl or guy with gout that hasn’t been living their best life. I was told I got it from drinking too much beer, eating too many steaks, clobbering thousands of crab legs, and just overall having too much fun! This blog is going to be full of stories from my crazy life. Here is a small tease of some of my stories that I will be blogging about in the upcoming months
1. The time a celebrity had sex with my girlfriend
2. The time I got robbed at shotgun in my living room
3. The time a porn stars father delivered us breakfast in bed
4. The time I saw a man get murdered feet from me on the Comedy Store patio
5. My decade of carrying hundreds of thousands of dollars each day while running up and down the Las Vegas strip betting sports for some of the biggest professional gamblers in the world
6. I will teach you how I snuck into multiple national championship games, over 50 concerts, and game 1 of the Stanley cup finals.
7. The time Suge Knight tried to take my girlfriend while I was holding her hand at a Jay-Z concert
8. The time my girlfriends family took me on a three week vacation to Italy and I accidentally sent her father naked pictures of my ex girlfriends in the middle of our trip
9. The three different super bowl MVP quarterbacks that I have had private dinners
10. The time my punk ass dad stole 80,000 dollars from me when I was sleeping…and how I plotted to kill him
11. The summer I house sat an A list celebrity’s house without his permission…and then found a hidden vhs tape in his house! (Which I thought was for sure a sex tape…but was even weirder)
12. The time I threw a Roulette ball at a pit boss and spent the next 3 hours in casino jail.
13. The time I got drunk in my early twenties and went back to my High school and heckled an opposing teams basketball player and the way I felt when he nacho punched me at half court with a full tub of nachos in front of everybody after the game. (I deserved it…I was such a douche)
14. The time my girlfriend caught me cheating and broke all of my taillights, ripped the back bumper off my car, and than carved CHEATER real big in the side of my car. (Which was a real cock block for a newly single guy)
15. The time I rented a car for a week and then kept it for 3 months…and how they paid me 1800 dollars after I turned the car in.
16. The time I had sex in a hotel room with my mom passed out in the bed across from me. (She likes to drink)
17. How I almost started jr high school as Brandt Hufendick instead of Brandt Tobler. My poor little sister is named Hayley Hufendick and she said Jr High was the worst 3 years of her life!
18. How we used to win hundreds of thousands of dollars betting on fixed sporting events, for and the times we lost tons of money when are fixed games did not come through as they were planned.
These are just a select few of my countless stories! This blog will keep you updated on my day to day activity and my thoughts on the comedy and sports world!