The Mets Trade My Beloved Assman To The Goddamn Phillies For Double-A Pitcher Franklyn Kilome

Out of all of the fucked up things the Mets have done to me as a fan this season, this may be the worst. The Assman was my guy. I gave him that ridiculous nickname when he came to Queens. He was our best bat for a good portion of the season. He may go down as Sandy Alderson’s best signing. And I actually kinda loved how he wanted out of this clown shoe of a franchise last season likely because of all the bullshit that goes on behind the scenes (I can’t even imagine what it’s like) before signing back with us this year. I was at peace with the Mets trading him once this season went into freefall mode. What I wasn’t ready for was Asdrubal being sent to Philadelphia. The only places worse than Philly in my mind is the Bronx or Atlanta. So this hurts a lot.

On the bright side, at least it seems like the Mets are getting back something for a talented veteran outside of petty cash that the Wilpons can use for their Labor Day party.

And I can’t lie, this made me smile.

I realize this isn’t The Assman’s fault. This trade is the product of a fire sale fueled by bad team building and even worse ownership. I wish The Assman the best and will root for him as long as he isn’t playing for a team that resides in Philadelphia, Atlanta, Washington DC, or the Bronx (Miami isn’t a real MLB team because of their ownership just like the Mets).

Thanks for the memories against those catchphrase stealing sons of bitches, Assman!

And thanks for being the inspiration for my favorite Barstool shirt that I never made.