RNR Update: A Stoolie Outed Me To My Trainers And Then I Got Beat Up
Yesterday I went to the gym to take, what I’ve come to realize, is going to be my daily beating. I won’t get into too much detail on the off chance my opponent can read, but I will say it’s strange working out to get in shape rather than to look good. The exercises aren’t designed to strengthen, lengthen, and tone- they’re designed to destroy your body. Running, burpees, jump rope, you name it, I’m doing it. And let me tell you…it is exhausting. No rest between sets and the trainers won’t allow you to drink water unless you’ve ‘done a good job,’ which makes you feel more like a dog than a human. There aren’t even heated eucalyptus towels to help you relax after the fact. Although, I guess that’s not the point.
I went through my regular workout and made my way towards the trainers’ table to talk. When I arrived, something seemed off. I could tell they wanted to ask me something but I didn’t push it. As I got up to leave my trainer spoke up, ‘yo what they call you?’ I immediately knew where this was going. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked. ’Yo, what they CALL YOU?!’ ‘Pat, why?’ ‘Nah, nah, nah, nah. What they call you on the website?’ I told them that I blog under the name Gay Pat. ‘But you just playing, right? You ain’t gay.’ ‘No, I am.’ They erupted into laughter thinking it was a joke. Gay people don’t box! After ten minutes of back and forth I was finally able to convince them. As expected they proceeded to roast me a la Cedric The Entertainer at the All Star Comedy Jam. One of the guys took a resistance band and rolled it up like a dick. Which I think was his way of saying we’re still cool.
I asked them how they found out considering they don’t read or care about Barstool and they said someone at the gym (a Stoolie I had a conversation with earlier in the week) had told them. To be clear, I don’t care that this person outed me to my trainers. The reason I hadn’t told them myself is because a) it wasn’t necessary and b) part of me thought they wouldn’t want to train me anymore. After all it’s not like I’m going to Rumble. Fortunately that wasn’t the case and we’re still working together.
I wanted to leave but my trainer offered to spar. Peculiar timing? Probably. But I need all the training I can get so I hopped in the ring with one of the trainers, Leo, “just to move around a little.” He doesn’t look very intimidating but holy shit can he box.
Boxing for him is like basketball is for me; he grew up in the sport so he knows how to play (?) it. All I’ll say about what happened in the ring is that it was tough and my face hurts. That and Leo seemed to really enjoy himself. He was actually smiling the whole time we were in there.
I’ve still got a lot of work to do but I feel good about where I’m at. We’re two weeks out from the fight and it’s just now starting to settle in that it’s actually happening. We’re going to be putting out some video content next week so make sure to keep an eye out for that. You can buy the fight HERE.
August 5th 7 PM. $15.99. $19.99 the day of the fight.
PS: I know Dave mentioned it in his blog, but Bill Burr is back. Let’s. Go.