London Erects a Massive Sexy Jeff Goldblum Statue
Source – UK streaming service Now TV is celebrating the 25th anniversary of Steven Spielberg’s “Jurassic World” in the most bizarre and amazing way. The company erected a giant statue of Jeff Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm in front of Tower Bridge in London, England on July 18. The statue features Malcolm in his iconic sexy pose, which might just be the most popular meme on the internet featuring Goldblum.
According to CNet, the statue weighs 331 lbs and stands at over 9.8 feet high and nearly 23 feet long …
The actor spoke with Yahoo! in March about the reason for the pose, saying, “It’s supposed to be Costa Rica, right? So things are hot and I’m sure I’m in some sort of fever. All the logic is that we got to get some of these wet clothes off immediately. As I remember, I don’t think anybody fought me on that.”
Nice going, America. Way to be asleep at the wheel, Trump. While we’ve been worrying about all sorts of useless nonsense the Brits have opened a Sexy Goldblum Statue Gap right under our very noses. Stealing our culture. Stealing our icons. Stealing our very national identity since Shirtless Jurassic Park Goldblum embodies everything that is right about our once great nation. Strong. Sensual. Hairless. Great abs. And smart enough to know that you can’t bring back extinct creatures that were wiped out by natural selection without Chaos Theory going all Butterfly Effect on our asses.
This is Goldblum at his most Goldblumy. And here he lies in front of the Tower Bridge like he’s 007 or Sherlock Holmes or somebody. It’s an affront to us and we can’t take it lying down. With our shirts unbuttoned or otherwise. I mean, in 25 years, this is the closest we’ve come to duplicating it:
Which is about 22′ 8″ and 330 lb shy of what the Brits have accomplished. Some ally they turned out to be. But we’ve got no one to blame but ourselves. We’ve had a quarter century to immortalize Dr. Ian Malcolm’s smoldering sensuality and we squandered it making Jurrasic Park III and the reboots where Dallas Bryce Howard runs away from history’s greatest apex predators in high heels for two hours. When we should’ve had one of these atop Mt. Rushmore or in front of the Lincoln Memorial. I hope Goldblum can forgive us, but I’m not sure I can.