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I'm Buying Ebony A Cute New Taser-Ring For Amazon Prime Day

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It’s honestly amazing how many different items you can buy on Amazon. Cereal, pocket pussies, fireworks, other borderline illegal/embarrassing products that I won’t post on here. But one of the things that’s often overlooked is home/HQ security systems. Those of you with large budgets can buy full-fledged security systems that will deter criminals from doing wrong in the first place. The rest of us need to take a more hands on approach.  To be clear, I’m not saying that Ebony doesn’t have money, I’m just saying that her company-provided taser budget isn’t where it needs to be considering she’s tasked with protecting an entire office. It got slashed last year after she tried to kill Smitty.

That’s where Amazon Prime Day comes into play. I’m getting her this cute little ring taser that’ll put down an adult water buffalo for the low low price of $22.95. Eighteen-MILLION volts of electricity for roughly the same amount of money as an  NYC Bud Light. It looks sexy too. If it were anyone else I’d be worried they’d read the blog and ruin the surprise, but Ebony has never visited the website and I don’t think she’s starting any time soon. Check it out here if you’re interested in grabbing one for yourself. If not, don’t worry because you can’t basically buy anything on the entire site at a ridiculous discount. Get shopping.