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Jaguar Escapes Enclosure and Kills 6 Animals in New Orleans Zoo But Will NOT Be Punished

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The Audubon Zoo in New Orleans closed on Saturday after a jaguar escaped and killed six animals before it was sedated.The incident occurred at 7:20 a.m. local time when Valerio, a 3-year-old jaguar, slipped out of its habitat. There were no human injuries and the staff was able to get the feline back into its night house over the course of the next hour, officials said at a press conference Saturday. The jaguar will not be euthanized, Joel Hamilton, vice president and general curator at the zoo, said.

Nothing’s going to happen to the jaguar itself,” he said. “Unfortunately, it was doing what jaguars do.”

First of all, this is why you go through the two-a-days of zoo animal escape drills in the dog days of summer when no ones watching. Doing the Zebra juke JUGS machine until its all second nature. Where would we be without these Japanese zookeepers for pioneering this progress?

Shoutout to Valerio The Jaguar for getting to live every captive predator’s dream for a day and not even catching a charge for it! This is what you might refer to as PROGRESS! An animal doing exactly what it has done for millions of years and not being punished for it? How cool! Harambe definitely has the right to be feeling a little ripped off when he wakes up and checks the Heaven Times, but hopefully he understands he at least gets an assist here. The other big winners in this situation, Joel Hamilton and Ron Forman of the Audobon Zoo, are on pace to become the Adam Silvers of animal husbandry. Adapting with the times and utilizing their understanding of the shifting climate to propel their organization further. Gary Bettman would have shot the Jaguar, the Lions, and moved the zoo to Carolina all while getting booed at a thousand decibels. I mean these guys are so slick, they hired counselors for the recently consumed Alpaca’s handlers.

The 58-acre zoo is 100 years old and houses 2,000 animals. Forman also said that the staff would be provided with appropriate grief counseling in the coming days.
“These animals are their family, these people care for them 24 hours a day and seven days a week,”.

Look at these magnificent bastards Eurostep around this situation like Ginobli in his prime! Just a coach that has his players backs while also covering his ass with anyone in the organization mad at Jaguars being Jaguars.


Forman ended the press conference assuring future zoo goers about the safety conditions of their park, saying, “Statistically there is nothing to worry about.”

You also have to love this staff basically being like “nobody chirp us about potentially being eaten at this zoo.” People love to pop up out of nowhere who haven’t known something existed for the past 100 years and then act like this zoo is an unsafe place to be. If they’ve really never had something like this happen in their history before, that’s about 36,500 days that have gone by smooth sailing and 1 day that had an escape where no humans were injured. Basically saying “We know a large, powerful eating machine just finessed it’s way where we didn’t know it could go, but everybody just chill out alright?”

Prayers up for the 4 Alpacas, 1 Emu, and 1 Fox that lost their lives, has to be a shitty situation when you are trapped in an enclosure with a Jaguar. That is assuredly not a great way to wake up early on a Saturday morning. Going forward, there is going to be no hotter animal in the entire establishment. Valerio is going to be walking around from now on with 6 teardrops on his face AND the backing of the higher ups at the zoo. He ate 6 of his co-workers and his boss said “no worries man”.