Does This Look Like The Face Of An Armless Florida Man That Was Charged With Stabbing A Tourist?

(Source)- A homeless Florida man with no arms has been charged with stabbing a Chicago tourist. Miami Beach police say 46-year-old Jonathan Crenshaw held a pair of scissors with his feet and stabbed 22-year-old Cesar Coronado just after midnight Tuesday. The Miami Herald reports that Crenshaw is a popular fixture in the area, known for painting on canvases along a trendy spot in South Beach.

According to the arrest report, Crenshaw says he was lying down when Coronado approached him and kicked him in the head. Police say Crenshaw stabbed Coronado twice and fled the scene. A friend who was traveling with Coronado said they asked Crenshaw for directions when he suddenly jumped up and stabbed Coronado in his arm. He was taken to the hospital.

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Instant Analysis Of This Story:

Did Florida Man do it again or did Florida Man do it again? Death, taxes, and Florida Man committing crimes none of us thought a normal human could do. Actually that last part may not be true. Anybody that can be described as a Florida Man has clearly mutated into a different species than us normal humans. Florida Man cannot held back by our manmade laws or nature’s limits. No No No (*Dikembe Mutombo finger wag*). It doesn’t matter if he is eating faces off his fellow man while high on meth or finding a way to stab someone despite lack of arm, hand, or opposable thumb. If Mr. Jinx can flush a toilet using his paws, Florida Man can sure as shit stab a tourist using his feet. Yeah if this story happened anywhere else in the country, I would worry about if a Purge was necessary. But as long as the big majority of these stories take place in that gator-infested crazyland, we should be gucci. But if you visit Florida since the weather is nice, South Beach is fun, or because it is home to the Happiest Place On Earth, make sure to keep your head on a swivel at all times. Because anything is truly possible when you are in America’s STD-ridden dick.