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JPP Has Nothing On This Cincinnati Man Who Split His Hand In Two With A Firework


[WLWT] - “We have a fireworks emergency. A man had his hand blown from a firework here down on 4 Mile Road,” a man who called 911 said. “He’s blown his hand apart.” The dispatcher asked the caller if his fingers fell off.

The caller said, “Yes. I saw it from a distance. I didn’t see much of the fingers left, honestly, and it looked like the hand was split. It was a large firework that exploded.”

According to a Hamilton County Sheriff’s Office incident report, Steinker’s friend Juan Vargas, 32, was also hurt in the blast. The report states, “The shrapnel from Mr. Steinker’s hand struck his friend Juan in the face, which caused lacerations to Juan’s head, face and neck.”

Here I am staying up to current events and clicking around the local news stations to see what’s going on and I stumble upon this. Now, unfortunately there’s no pictures if you’re into that sort of thing, but my God. Splitting your hand in two with a firework AND causing lacerations to a spectator? That makes JPP’s injury look like a paper cut.

It always boggles my mind when there’s a fireworks injury like this. How does this happen? I mean you light the firework and then run like hell far enough away to where you’re not in danger. It’s pretty simple. I’m also quite certain humans are born with the instinct to get the hell away from lit fireworks.

This is starting to become a tradition with the 4th of July though. A wonderful holiday in which we celebrate America, typically hang out by some body of water while drinking domestic beers, listening to Darty SZN 2018 on Spotify and paying attention to NBA free agent signings. Wait, maybe not that last one for 99% of the world out there. But, then there’s those who get the wrong end of the stick. The 1% of people who have to work or get a hand split in fucking two by a firework.

How pissed are you if you’re Juan Vargas though? Just standing there watching your idiot friend set off fireworks only to get lacerations in your head, face and neck because you’re friends with said moron.