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Trevor Bauer Bet His Best Friend He Would Never Sign A Multi-Year Contract Otherwise He Has To Get Shot In The Nuts

*clears out the phlegm and other debris in my windpipe in order to gain maximum shouting ability*


What a lunatic thing to not only do, but then to say out loud to people on a recorded device. Noted math nerd Trevor Bauer cannot sign a multi-year contract under any circumstances or he must get shot square in the family jewels from 10-feet out via paintball gun. I don’t know if his buddy is a marksman of some sort but since the deal clearly states that it has to be the balls it sounds like his buddy can spray wildly until he connects. Luckily for Trevor, he plays a position in a sport where there are rarely any major injuries so he should be able to keep rolling over those 1-year deals in perpetuity no problem.

How does this even go down at the negotiating table?

Indians GM: “Trevor we really loved what you contributed to our ball club this past season. Thought you did a great job, meshed in well with the rest of the staff, coaches love you, we want to keep you here for a long time. Our offer is a five-year deal-”

Trevor Bauer: “Let me stop you right there, pal. See, me and my friend have an on-going wager where I can’t sign a multi-year contract. Surely you understand.”

Indians GM: “Nope, sure don’t.”

Bauer: “You see, if I sign a multi-year contract, he gets to shoot me in the testicles from close range – all but surely impeding my ability to procreate.”

Indians GM: “Oh. Okay. Got it. In that case, please leave immediately and never come back.”

This is maybe the most jackassish thing I’ve ever heard and I’ve listened back to my own podcast before. And the second most jackassish thing that was said is that he doesn’t drink. If he had been like, “Yeah I was blackout but I’m a man of my word.” Alright, I could see that and could at least respect sticking to your word. As Tex and Smitty always say, integrity is all that a man has in this world. When talking about multi-million dollar deals, you definitely want to be on the side of Tex and Smitty. But to just look up from your quantum mechanics article and make an off-cuff bet with your pal that you’ll never sign a multi-year contract, further setting up your family and those you love and care about for generations, all out of pride is as hardo as hardo gets, and maybe the most Trevor move a guy named Trevor has ever Trevor’d.

“Sign a $150,000,000 deal over five seasons? Guaranteed money in MY bank account??? Couldn’t be me. What do you take me for a fool of some sort?”