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Disney Has Created Flying Stuntman Robots That Will Definitely Not Turn Against Humanity In The Near Future

Business Insider- For over 50 years, Disneyland and its sister parks have been a showcase for increasingly technically proficient versions of its “animatronic” characters. First pneumatic and hydraulic, and more recently fully electronic, these figures create a feeling of life and emotion inside rides and attractions, in shows and, increasingly, in interactive ways throughout the parks.

Disney is making humanoid robots that can perform mind-boggling stunts in midair, according to TechCrunch. Disneyland parks have incorporated animatronics into their displays for decades, but with its new project, “Stuntronics,” Disney hopes to take performing robotics to the next level.

With Stuntronics the aim was to create a humanoid robot which could act as a stunt double for other “hero” animatronic figures in the park. The robot can be flung through the air, controlling its pose, rotation, and center of mass. It can even strike a superhero pose mid-flight.

What the fuck Disney? I know The Simpsons has been trash for years, but at least one person in charge of the parks had to have watched the classic Itchy and Scratchyland episode at least once.

You ever hear of the phrase “Life imitates art”? How about “Those that do not learn history are doomed to repeat it”? It’s one thing to make robots for those creepy weirdo kids in It’s A Small World or the problematic pirates of Pirates Of The Caribbean. But it’s quite another to create robots that can pretty much fly and rain terror from the sky. I can understand companies like Boston Dynamics making robots and not caring about humanity’s future because we live in a capitalist society. But I thought Disney was supposed to be a company that cared about the survival and well-being of humanity.

*Thinks about everything we know about Disney*

Okay, bad choice of words. Disney probably doesn’t give a fuck if we go instinct as long as they can charge our robotic overlords through the dick for admission to the parks. But still, how could Disney do this to the good stuntmen and women of this world? Can you imagine spending your whole career getting lit on fire, shot out of cannons, and thrown off of bridges only to have your nice cushy semi-retirement job of the future taken by a robot before you could get there? If you are a stuntman watching that video, you are definitely taking a long drag off of your Marlboro Red (or whatever manly people do) while watching a robot do his job better than him with its swagger on a hundred, thousand, trillion.

Live look at the next meeting of the Stuntmen’s Association

All that being said, the inevitably Marvel Land at Disney is going to be fucking AMAZING with these robots in it. It is one thing to shoot a human with actual feelings, bones, and a soul through the air at 100 MPH so they can act like Iron Man. It is quite another to do it with a robot that you can toss into the air and if it shatters into a million pieces, you can either fix if or throw it in the trash. Hollywood Studios may go from a trash heap of a theme park to the main attraction of Disney if it gets a Marvel Land to go alongside Toy Story Land, even if it will literally be the most dangerous place on Earth once the robots become self-aware and weaponize after years of being shot into the sky against their will.