Troublesome News: Guinness Brewery Coming To U.S.
Outside of the U.S., there’s only been two countries I’ve had the privilege of spending any real time in. One was Afghanistan, burning through those sweet, wasted tax dollars. The other was Ireland, chugging through those delicious Guinness, wasted.
Guinesses? Guineaii? Guiness’?
Ah, sure, Guinesses. The first one I ever had was on top of the Dublin factory as a mid-level teen. My parents were strict, so after making direct eye contact with them earlier in the day as I choked down a whiskey provided by my great uncle, I made sure to finish my pint in four obligatory gulps, proudly displaying the foam rings inside my souvenir glass with a shit-eating grin; (a small foreshadowing to the college years I would fuck up enormously).
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Some people steer clear because “it’s too heavy”, but they’re big dummy dums & it only has a few more calories than Bud Light. It’s just darkly colored from roasted barley, and it’s delicious… I’ve been a loyal fan ever since that trip.
When I first lived in New York & money was tight, I did standup open mics after work & two pints would usually suffice as dinner. I think that’s because in one of my favorite books, Angela’s Ashes, the hopelessly alcoholic dad would drink it for meals. Somehow what I took from that is Guinness = nutrients in a tough spot. Solid logic, I know, but it’s my go-to.
So you’d think I’d be thrilled to see news that a Guinness brewery is opening in the U.S. this August for the first time in 63 years. Instead, I felt a little bummed. I think the dumb tourist in me was disappointed that my beloved booze wouldn’t be coming straight from the Emerald Isle, and I was afraid America Water would make it taste different, like when some place in Ohio claims to have real New York bagels but you know they’re gonna suck.
Luckily I stepped outside my usual routine & actually read the article instead of just freaking out about things. And good news – the factory in Relay, Maryland won’t be messing with the classic:
The Guinness Open Gate Brewery & Barrel House will produce Guinness Blonde American Lager, currently made at City Brewing in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. Also on tap: experimental beers and barrel-aged beers.
From USA Today
The core of the brewery’s mission is to allow Guinness “to become a bigger part of the American craft beer industry, to have a place for innovation and creativity for Guinness in the states,” said Ryan Wagner, Guinness brand ambassador at the Maryland site.
The site is an appropriate one for barrel-aging of beers — a trend long practiced by American craft brewers — as the location originally served as the Maryland Distilling Company, a post-prohibition distiller opened in 1933, where Lord Calvert Whiskey was made.
Alright Guinness, I’ll allow it. ::Extends hand to pull them up into craft beer bandwagon:: And so long as you leave my stout alone, sláinte.