I'm Not The Only Person In The World Who Chews Tobacco, Right?

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I’m aware that I’m not the only person in the world who chews tobacco, that headline was kind of making a point. Many, many people chew tobacco.

The concerning thing is that despite the massive amount of people who use chewing tobacco (8.7 million Americans in the last month, according to the very first google result) not a single person who sells dip has any clue what it is. It’s like getting in your drug dealers car and asking for weed but he hands you pills, and you have to say nope not that, then he hands you coke and you say that’s not it either, and eventually he hands you a bag of weed.

My routine is never changing. I have about four places in the world I buy dip from. There’s the bodega across the ave from my apartment that Koreans run, there’s the bodega across the street that Chinese folks run, there’s the 7-11 by the office that Muslim folks run, and there’s the Mobil in Newport that a white guy in a flat cap runs. None of them know what a tin is and none of them are the same race, so it’s not a foreign thing.

I do it every single night. I walk in and I say, “Skoal Mint long cut, please” and from there it turns into a game of Hot or Cold.

*Hand tentatively placed on a Grizzly wintergreen*

Nooooo. Down.

*Copenhagen straight*

To the left. The blue one.

*Skoal Spearmint*

Close. More blue. Three to the left.

*Goes four to the left*

No, that’s pouches. Long cut. One to the right.

Finally, the game ends and I’m handed my highly addictive and disgusting habit. I don’t like to complain, but if you’ll allow me to complain for a moment, I’m sick of leading the blind around. Gas station employees have a lot of responsibility. They’re poor doctors, they hold my medicine and when I need it I’m irritated. It’s irresponsible I don’t have the time or patience to do this song and dance. I’ve been coming to this bodega every single night for two years, dude, I’m tired of holding your hand through this process. Learn my goddamn order. It’s irresponsible to shill products that you don’t know, gas station attendants. Be better, please.