Government Blows Up A Bunch Of Mannequins In Front Of The Capital Building To Teach People About Firework Safety

Bravo, CPSC. That was a fantastic video and I’m not saying that sarcastically. I could watch mannequins get their heads blown off to the tune of 1812 Overture all day long and never get sick of it. Not only is it incredibly entertaining, it’s also educational. Teaching the important lessons like don’t look down the tube of an M-80 after you light it. Or forget to throw the firecracker in your hand. Or launch a rocket off the top of your skull as your child looks on with sparklers in her mouth. Because if you do, you’ll end up headless, armless, and headless again with a burn victim for a daughter.

Yuck! Sadly, despite the production value and educational nature provided by the CSPC, people will still get hurt. White trash drunks gravitate towards fireworks like ducks gravitate towards water. Someone’s going to wake up on the fourth of July dead because they didn’t want to put down their beer while lighting the artillery shell they bought for $19.99 just across the New Hampshire border. It’s sad but true.

That said, EIGHT firework deaths last year doesn’t seem that bad. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure every one of them was sad but eight isn’t exactly a tragedy, it’s Darwinism. And Darwinism doesn’t warrant shutting down the lawn of the Capitol Building so a few good old boys can get their rocks off blowing up mannequins for fun. But that’s neither here nor there, the video was entertaining and that’s all that matters. Well done, CSPC. Looking forward to seeing what you have up your sleeve for Labor Day.