Neymar Gets Fouled, Rolls... Forever

This is why a lot of Americans hate soccer. This is the perfect example. We have floppers in the NBA, sure. Lebron has been known to fly across the court like a stuntman attached to cables who walked too close to an explosion. But the rolling… my God. It’s breathtaking stuff. You almost have to appreciate it from one of the best players in the world. In the slow-motion replay, you can see that he fell and his body was ready to slide straight across the grass like a normal person. But Neymar made a conscious choice to reenact that Aston Martin crash scene from Casino Royale.

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I tried to count the rotations and it’s at least 4. Tragically, the replay cuts out before Neymar’s body comes to rest, so we may never know how many times his elbows banged the sod. Look at this poor guy:

Torn ACL? Broken femur? Flesh-eating skin disease in the knee area? Must be one of the above, and he’s a tough somfabitch because he shook it right off and he’s still playing. What a soldier.

I’m not exactly reinventing the wheel with this take, but there is something I’ve learned in this world cup about injuries: people from other countries often believe the histrionics. They think the fouls are that bad. They’ll say things like “metal cleats hurt!” And while that may be true, if you fall and roll and scream on this level, you shouldn’t be able to play seconds later. That level of agony is reserved for victims of chemical weapons attacks. And women going through childbirth, I guess.