Bill Polian Says Julian Edelman is "Solely Responsible" for the NFL Finding an Unknown Mystery Substance in His Body
Source – Julian Edelman reportedly plans to appeal his four-game suspension by arguing the NFL mishandled his test results and that the substance he tested positive for wasn’t recognized by the league’s testers. According to Bill Polian, there are some flaws in that plan. …
“Players are responsible solely and completely for everything they put in their body,” Polian said on ESPN. “There are no exceptions to that. [I]f there is a substance that they cannot recognize, that would be a red flag.” …
That will be a central part of his defense, according to ESPN’s Dan Graziano, along with the issue that the NFL made mistakes in handling his results.
“Chain of custody is a dicey argument,” Polian said. “Everyone argues that. The only one I ever knew that won it is Richard Sherman in 2012.”
As for the issue of the unknown substance, Polian acknowledged that’s a “little more unknown.”
Advertisement
“But it’s important to remember that the bedrock guideline of the policy is a player is responsible himself for everything he puts in his body,” he said. “No excuses.”
And let me just add, on Bill Polian’s behalf “… That is, unless the stuff was mailed to your wife. Then you’re totally off the hook.” He might not have said it, but I think we can assume it was implied.
In a weird, grudging way, I kind of admire Bill Polian. 999 out of 1000 guys make it to their sports Hall of Fame and decide it’s time to take it easy. To set their career cruise control, pull over into the slow lane and coast. But he’s the one in a thousand who chooses to keep pushing the pedal to the floorboard, adding to his already impressive resume of being utterly, relentlessly and completely full of shit.
It should be clear to anyone who’s been following his career that Polian is a Hot Take Machine with two settings. One is “Revisionist History” and the other is “Patriots are Guilty.”
When the dial was set to the first, he’s made claims like the 2000 Colts war room had “solid, first-round, can-lead-you-to-a-championship grade” on Tom Brady. But with Peyton Manning as the starter and the immortal Steve Walsh as a backup, they opted instead for BYU guard Matt “Zero Career Games” Johnson instead 60 picks earlier. Then he said the second highest pre-draft grade he ever had on a QB prospect after Manning was Jimmy Garoppolo. Then, four years after saying the Browns “owe it to their fans” to take Johnny Manziel at No. 4, Captain Hindsight claimed everyone knew he had issues and the Browns “got what they deserved.” And in the same breath, called Lamar Jackson “too short” while conveniently forgetting how much he loved Johnny Football at three inches shorter.
Flip the switch to his other mode, and you get NaPolian saying the Patriots must be guilty on Deflategate by actually forming the sentences, “I take Roger at his word. He’s nothing if he’s not straight forward and honest” with a straight face. Plus this:
And now, he treats us to this twisted piece of salty pretzel logic. Julian Edelman is responsible for what goes into his body, even though we don’t know what it is. And the NFL’s Piss Collection Squad messed it up. Got it? Me too. I’m glad he cleared that up.
Just think of what this could mean to investigations of all kinds. The benefits will be endless.
Cop: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Driver: “I have no idea.”
Cop: “Me neither. Here’s you ticket for speeding.”
HR: “Clean out your desk. You’re fired for sexual harassment.”
Employee: “Wait. What? Who complained?”
HR: “Nobody. We just figure you must’ve said something wrong to somebody.”
FBI: “You’re under arrest for murder.”
Suspect: “Murder? Of who? Who’s dead?”
FBI: “Beats me. But people die every day. We’ll find someone. Now just come along to jail like a good guy.”
It’ll save so much time and effort without all that messy proof, complicated chain-of-custody and “innocent until proven guilty” bullshit that’s been getting in the way all these years. And leading the cheers will be Bill Polian, still the undefeated champion of being wrong all the time.
Free Julian Edelman! Free Julian Edelman!