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Typical Brooks Koepka Story: Says He's Too Tired To Remember Where The U.S. Open Trophy Is

Golf Channel“I just ran out of gas. I’m exhausted mentally,” Koepka said. “I tried go get some rest when I was back home (in Florida), but we got home at about 4:30 (Monday morning), fell asleep at 4:45, and I woke up, Dustin (Johnson) was in my living room at 8. He came over on the boat to say hi. So not as much rest as I would have liked.”

…he admitted that he left the hardware back home upon flying to Connecticut – and its precise whereabouts aren’t exactly confirmed.

“I don’t even know where we left it, to be honest with you,” Koepka said. “I was trying to sleep so much. I left it, I think, on the kitchen counter. I don’t even know.”

What a wet blanket Brooks Koepka is. I mean I’m sure he’s a nice guy but he moves no needles. Zero needles. Outside of giant arms and ruining the back nine of U.S. Opens, he brings nothing to the table.

Case in point:

I think he actually tries as hard as he can to be as boring as possible. Can you imagine the conversations between him and DJ on that boat?

Here were his answers last night.

What’d you do last couple days? Just chilled, didn’t do anything.

Nice celebration Sunday night? …Everybody just kinda hung around and talked and chatted.

Number of text messages? A lot.

You feel rested? I guess so. I don’t really know.

Electric!

I feel bad for my good friend USGA. They presented this awesome golf course. They beat the fuck out of the world’s best players. They delivered the carnage and controversy we all crave. They brought in the most trusted name in golf journalism (Barstool Sports).

And what was their reward? Brooks Snoozefest Koepka with the charisma of a faucet and with a hard pass on the media tour. Life just ain’t fair sometimes.

Brooks Koepka — great player; nice guy; boring as fuck.