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I Need Millennials to Appreciate How Good They Have it, Movie-Wise

I take pride in being maybe the only member of my demographic who refuses to dump on Millennials. Like I’ve said before, if there was a time in human history when guys in their late teens-early 20s weren’t mostly self-absorbed, narcissistic, petulant carbon blobs interested mainly in getting high, getting laid and avoiding actual work, I didn’t live through it. And you’ll never catch me saying Millennials have it easy. Sure, they have a lot of conveniences no one ever had before. Growing up I would’ve killed to have a device in my pocket capable of playing any song I wanted, looking up movie quotes, settling every sports argument I ever had, plus free porn. But I acknowledge that every means of communication we invent is another way to establish that you’re unpopular, weird looking and have social cooties. It’s a double edged sword.

But there’s one thing that everyone born in the 90s and after have going for them that I have every right to be jealous of. And they owe it to everyone older than them to fully appreciate just how good they have it. And that is entertainment.

I’ve had the good fortune of raising two boys in the middle of the Golden Age of Kids Movies, which continues to this day, with Incredibles 2 coming out.

I mean, just look at the list of Pixar movies the Lights, Camera, Barstool guys ranked yesterday. And while Pixar has unquestionably been leading the pack, that’s just one studio. Add to it the Shrek franchise. The Lego Movie and Lego Batman, which should be taught in film school. Your Despicable Me films. And the Disney Studios renaissance. When I realize I got to take my kids to brilliant pieces of work like the Toy Story movies, Finding Nemo and the first Incredibles, I feel massive amounts of guilt for making my mom and sisters and brothers sit through what passed for kids entertainment. Back when Disney was mailing it in with dreck like Herbie the Love Bug and The Shaggy DA. A trend that continued all the way through the original Tron or long forgotten cinematic dogshit like The Black Hole and Pete’s Dragon.

But if you grew up in, let’s call it, a post-Roger Rabbit world, your film-going life has been an embarrassment of riches. Incredibles 2 is currently sitting on a tidy 93 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. And that is for a sequel. That’s come out 14 years after the original. A decent kid’s movie sequel was unheard of as recently as Toy Story 2. Before that, they were all some unwatchable money grab like Return to Witch Mountain or low budget, direct-to-video halfassery like Lion King 1 1/2. But even a third Shrek movie and the spinoff Puss in Boots were at least OK. And we liked the first The Incredibles so much I have no issues with taking the Irish Rose to see the new one, with zero embarrassment. I’ve waited all this time to see what the hell The Underminer plans to do, and I’m not going to let a little thing like not having an age-appropriate child to bring stand in our way.

Like an old person who remembers the Great Depression or living through rationing during the war, all I ask is that you appreciate how much better you have it than we did back in our day.