It's Clear The Sixers Want Mike Zarren Because They Are Jealous Of The Celtics

Over my dead fucking body Sixers, do you hear me? Keep your embarrassing, disappointing, sorry excuse for a rebuild and franchise away from our prodigy. With the firing of Colangelo there have been a couple names rumored to come be his replacement, whether it’s Hinkie or David Griffin or Mike Zarren. For those of you who may not know who Mike Zarren is, or why this would be rather unfortunate to see him leave, he’s currently the Assistant GM and Team Counsel of the Celtics who is now in his 10th year with the team after starting out as an unpaid intern. He’s basically living every New England kid’s dream, as he’s recognized as one the best when it comes to advanced statistical analysis and currently holds an important role in the Celtics strategic planning and player personnel decisions. Zarren also is their cap expert and Ainge’s right hand man, so essentially any move the Celtics make Zarren has a huge impact on. He’s a kid who grew up in Swampscott and has talked about how this is his dream job and many think he’s the GM in waiting once Ainge decides to hang it up.

This rumor is significant because back in 2013, the Sixers interviewed Zarren for their open GM spot that ultimately went to Hinkie back in 2013. That only happened because Zarren turned them down because he is smart. Now that the Sixers have seen what Zarren has been able to do with the rebuild of the Celtics, it’s no surprise they want him again. They’re clearly jealous of everything that’s happened in Boston and want to do anything they can to get to their level.

Make no mistake, Zarren is going to be an incredible GM no matter where he goes, the Ainge tree has shown that (aka Morey). I have no other reason why he should stay with the Celtics other than my own selfish desire to keep as many smart people under the Celtics roof as possible. This rebuild doesn’t happen without Zarren, and if this means Wyc needs to open up his wallet and give him a new contract or Ainge needs to let him take on more in the front office if that’s even possible, then I need all of those things to happen. Smart basketball executives can make or break a franchise as we’ve seen, and this current group really seems to have things figured out.

There’s also the possibility I’m not seeing many people talk about, and that’s what would happen with @isjonasnba. The internet can’t decide if this is actually Ainge or Zarren, both likely candidates. The Sixers can’t have Zarren simply due to the fact that it might impact the level of enjoyment we all get from that account. To be honest I may care about that a little too much.

Either way, the Sixers can go ahead and give the job to Griffin, not get Lebron, and continue to be the overhyped underperforming team we all know and love. Or just give the job to Hinkie and let him finish what he started, doesn’t matter to me. Just keep your hands off Mike Zarren or I’ll be forced to call up my best friend Danny and next thing you know we’ll have another Fultz situation. I don’t think Sixers fans want that, so consider yourself warned.