I, A 29 Year Old Adult, Have A Double Ear Infection #OurEar
Does that look like the face of a guy with not one, but TWO ear infections? It probably looks more like a guy whose FedEx plane crashed onto an island and has been fucking a volleyball for the last 5 years, but it’s true. Not the volleyball part, though I won’t knock it til I try it. I am the proud owner and proprietor of a double ear infection. *Waves graciously* This is just a month removed from going to the hospital because I had a hole in my stomach and had burnt up my esophagus. What the fuck is happening to my health?!
You are probably thinking “I didn’t think anyone over the age of 3 got ear infections”. Well, that’s what I thought too. But alas, here we are. Is it from traveling the country nonstop for the last month? I’ve traveled more in the last month than I have in the last 10 years combined. I’ve been to DC, Tampa, Austin, Vegas, DC, and NYC in between. I’ve been taking red eye flights, 6am trains, and swimming in lakes. Going from a bachelor party straight to Vegas, back to the pit that is NYC, and then down to DC is enough to give even the strongest of men a disease. I am not the strongest of men, and here I am now, struggling to stop myself from going into my kitchen and chopping my ears off with a steak knife.
I’m also really, really struggling to stop myself from taking more antibiotics than I’m supposed to. One pill every 8-12 hours my ass. I want to double up on them. I want to crush them, liquify them, and inject them straight into my veins. I want to take them out back on spoon and freebase them. I have no idea how babies deal with this. Shout out to babies.
Honestly though, I am not shocked this is happening to me. I have battled everything during the Caps run to the Cup. Stomach ulcers, moving from NJ to NY, a fever somewhere in there, Tom Wilson’s suspension, Penguins fans crying on Twitter nonstop, pie gate, and a couple bouts of diarrhea. But I’ve overcome it all. I’ve put the team on my back and I don’t plan on stopping now. If you think a little case of nonstop throbbing ears which feel like this
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is going to stop me from lifting the Cup, you are sadly mistaken. We haven’t been wearing Our Year shirts for 3 years for a little case of the worst ear pain of all time to slow us down now. No sir, no mam, no he/she/it.
Amen, Michael.
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More importantly, what the fuck is happening to my health? I eat right, I go to the gym, and now all of a sudden I can’t stay healthy for the life of me. It’s so weird. When I was eating like shit and not working out I was a-ok, but now everything is taking a turn for the worst. As Blink 182 once said, “I guess this is growing up”, but damn, I wish I knew this would happen before I signed up for the worst possible insurance ever. My insurance seriously covers like…nothing. Nothing at all. Out of pocket like you read about. I told Keith about my insurance plan and this was his response:
Goofed up, indeed.