Flappy Bird Fucking Sucks

Yesterday, our good friend Handsome Hank tweeted the following:

Fucking flappy bird

— Henry Lockwood (@hen_ease) January 30, 2014

And that was about the 9th tweet I saw about Flappy Bird yesterday. Someone even tweeted me about MFK’ing with Flappy Bird. So enough was enough. I had to try this game that is sweeping the nation out for myself. So I downloaded it. And I can say, with 100% honesty, it is the worst fucking game I have ever played. Fun level=0. Interest level=0. If Flappy Bird was a commercial, it would be whatever is worse than Flo from Progressive. If Flappy bird was a movie, it would be that movie I saw in 6th grade with Sisqo. If Flappy Bird was a video game, it would be the video game version of Flappy Bird. Just an absolute atrocity that this game is so popular. You know what I like my games to be? Fun. I like to play games that are fun. Wild concept, I know. Or at least interesting. Or at the very least, if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll play a game that makes me think. Flappy Bird does none of that. When I played for the first time, I was like “oh sweet, I used to love the Helicopter Game, this is right up my alley!”
 

 
But no. Flappy Bird is about 1000x harder, and 1000x less fun. I played it for 11 minutes, and got a score of 1 once. And that was it. Curtains for Flappy Bird. And it’s not because I sucked at it. It’s because there was nothing interesting or fun about it to make me want to continue playing. It was just, oh, let’s crash into a pipe within 3 seconds of starting the game and repeat that 100 more times. Cool story, Flappy.

 
Barstool DMV Official Review:

Fun: 0/10
Originality: 0/10
Gameplay: 0/10

So after some quick mental math, I give this game a -100/10.

PS: Hay Day is a 10.