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Hereby Cordially Inviting The Eagles To My Apartment: Tomorrow, 3PM

Philadelphia Eagles, Super Bowl Kings, heroes of the City of Brotherly Love, you are hereby cordially invited to my apartment tomorrow at 3pm ET for a reception celebrating your incredible teamwork & championship victory.

There will be several trays of Primos hoagies, various quarts of water ice, hot trays of penne pasta & roast beef (with au jus!), a Tastycake pyramid, and my mom will be bringing her famous MnM-infused Rice Krispie Treats (mom, if you’re reading this pls get crackin’ on that). The beverages of the day will be White Claw Spiked Seltzer, frozen tequila with missing cap, & old Almond Milk, because it’s been a long weekend and that’s all I have left right now. But you can BYOB as you see fit. And though I don’t have 32 bathrooms like the White House, I have one with beautiful homemade art & name brand toilet paper.

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Fans are welcome, and if gets crowded, anyone is free to relax on the balcony, which, not to brag, has one sturdy lawn chair and a beautiful half-alive hibiscus plant. (If you’re worried about ambiance, my Christmas lights are still up and plugged in.) There is also a pool area where I will be bringing out my Eagles cornhole set, and I know my landlords will just be happy to have you all here.

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The White House’s United States Marine Band and the United States Army Chorus may not be here to sing your praises, but I have Spotify with a killer portable Bose, & am a Marine who can sing well if you have a few of those White Claws.

For real though. I totally mean this. If I build it, will you come?????? DM for directions, I’m right next door in the Land of Delco off of I-95 & 476, and I’ve always been rooting for you. You deserve it.