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A Maryland Man, Terrified Of North Korea, Hired A Guy To Build Tunnels Under His House; Fire Breaks Out And Kills The Digger

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NY Times- A man in Maryland has been charged with murder after his secretive project to build an underground nuclear bunker ended with the death of a worker hired to dig the network of tunnels.

The man, Daniel L. Beckwitt, 27, “was concerned about the increase in international tensions, and in particular North Korea’s acquisition of long-range ballistic missiles, and he was in the process of building a secure location for himself,” said his lawyer, Robert C. Bonsib.

Police officers and firefighters responded and spoke with Mr. Beckwitt. In the basement, they “discovered the naked, charred body of a deceased male,” court documents said.

They also found a hole in the basement floor, with an entrance shaft that dropped about 20 feet down and fanned out into tunnels spanning about 200 feet underground.

The man who was found dead, Askia Khafra, 21, had been working to dig the tunnels. The medical examiner determined that the cause of death was smoke inhalation and thermal injuries.

Mr. Beckwitt, who had made profits “in the seven figures” over the years by trading stocks, had been trying to keep himself safe in the event of a nuclear attack and had been working with Mr. Khafra for months, Mr. Bonsib said.

The house was “maintained in ‘hoarder’ conditions (immense piles of garbage and discarded items strewn throughout the home) with narrow mazelike pathways throughout,” the court documents said.

Look, we’re all a little strung out over the heightened tensions with North Korea. But the moment you start digging tunnels under sodded suburban lawns to protect yourself from radiation fallout, you’ve gone too far. I would much rather get launched to the moon when an atom bomb lands on my head than live underground in suburban Maryland, eating canned peaches until I have to turn to earth worms and creepy crawlers. That’s no way to live, and in Maryland no less, when it’s the Caps year?!

Let’s take a look at the guy who dug the tunnels:

Undaneef deez skreetz. I’m so, so sorry, but I am laughing out loud. That is an UNBELIEVABLE caption. I mean no disrespect to the deceased, but my GOD what an image. Dude is digging tunnels for a crazy person, probably blasting through the neighborhood with homemade dynamite, but there’s always time for a selfie. It really is sad that he passed because he clearly had an AMAZING sense of humor. Life is tough undaneef deez skreetz.

Apparently the home bomb shelter business is booming. Having a nuclear bunker is the new “we have a pool.” A necessary accessory for any celebrity or wealthy family, you can personalize your bunker with all your favorite snacks, beverages, and night vision goggles to help fight off the 3-legged “hills have eyes” invaders who sniff you out through an ant hill. Choose your bunkermates wisely though. That many hours of board games will ruin any friendship if your opponent is a cheater.

Last thing- what is with all the hoarders murdering people? Since when did accumulating goods lead to murdering? I watched that Evil Genius doc and couldn’t ignore the pattern of hoarding displayed by all those murderous psychos. In Maryland, we have a successful stock trader who had to create pathways between his piles of coupons just to get a beer from his fridge, and he sent his buddy to a suspicious, flaming death 20 feet beneath his kitchen. If you know someone who owns way too many t-shirts, you might want to keep your distance. And people say I’m the most likely Barstool employee to murder someone…

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