Today In Mets News: Citi Field Caught On Fire
(Insert whatever joke you want about this being the perfect metaphor about the state of the Mets season, the Mets franchise as a whole, or anything to ever touch the Mets organization. I don’t even know what to say anymore. I thought the two starting pitchers going down with injured fingers in one day was the peak Mets. And then Citi Field caught on fire. I repeat, Citi Field caught on fucking FIRE. Whatever you do, don’t compare this to the dumpster fire gif. The Mets may have their flaws, but Citi Field is a gem. Albeit a gem potentially built on an Indian burial ground. But a gem nonetheless. God I am jealous that KFC cuncelled yesterday before the bullpen blew that Braves game. I’d give anything to jump off this pain train but I said I am in until at least the 4th of July. Can’t wait to see what act of God strikes this team next. Okay it’s time to wrap this up because you should only have 1-2 sentences inside of a parentheses. At least I made it through this whole blog without including the dumpster fire gif
Motherfucker.)
Hope everyone is safe. If so, let that big beautiful bitch burn to the ground and then rebuild the stadium with something that actually favors your best hitter’s power alleys, isn’t a tribute to a team that ditched New York for California half a century ago, and oh yeah isn’t fucking cursed.
P.S. Holy shit I can’t believe this really happened. I mean, I really just can’t believe this happened. I am at a loss for words and I’ve rooted for this team my entire life. Why do the Baseball Gods to this to us? Why do I do this to myself? Why?!? WHY?!?!?!?
Anyway cue the memes!
SAVE US LADY MELISANDRE! I WILL RENOUNCE THE OLD BASEBALL GODS AND THE NEW FOR YOU! I am not sure if I can lend you my daughter like Stannis did, but I’m willing to do almost anything to ensure “meaningful September baseball”. That shouldn’t be too much to ask, right?
UPDATE: Looks like everything is coming up Mets*!
*Except the whole “our stadium randomly lit on fire in the midst of an extremely depressing stretch of the season where fans are jumping off the bandwagon in droves