This is the first week for all the summer interns here at HQ. Thousands applied and only a few made it through the ringer and got here. As a recent intern turned full-time employee, I have been tasked with introducing this motley crew to the world. They also made it on today’s Rundown, but I’ll provide some more background on them. These are the six interns that are working on the third floor. There are some others scattered on the second floor, but these are the guys working on the content floor. There are also more filtering in and the third floor will get even more crowded, but this is who we have for now.
Reports To: Gaz
Role: Viceroy Stuff
Meet Ben. He just graduated from Syracuse where he was a viceroy, so he’s been brought on to help out with the viceroy program. You may remember Ben from the intern interview video where he wore his own custom Barstool merch.
I can’t get a read on Ben yet. But he took a ribbing from Francis and Rone in his interview and still got the job and came in with a smile on his face. I respect the hell out of that. As Francis said this morning to Ben, “When I got made fun I threatened to blow up the office so you handled it better than me.”
Name: John Jennings
Reports to: Gaz
Role: Social media
The floor manager at the god damn electric factory- meet John Jennings. Like Ben, John was also a viceroy, but at Clemson. John Jennings came in ready to work. Put his head down, his headphones in, and started to grind. On the Rundown, all the other interns were getting airtime and John Jennings was just at his desk working. Dave noticed and gave him credit for that. He’s the early favorite in Dave’s eyes. I also like the cut of his jib.
Reports to: Caleb and Rone
Role: Content I think
Jake was the star of the intern interview video. He did awesome impressions of a weatherman and can also say any word backwards. You’ll notice a trend here, as he was also a viceroy at Hillsdale. Jake got off to a rough start here. People were making fun of his dad-ish golf outfit. He went on the Rundown and Dave made fun of his outfit. He then put him on the spot to do the backwards word stuff and Dave was unimpressed and bored. But don’t give up on Jake just yet. He seems cool and I think he’s talented. I also think he’s a good fit for Caleb and Rone’s weird brains.
Reports to: Gaz and Second Floor
Role: Splitting time between social media and business stuff
So Sean is already getting a ton of publicity basically just because he’s good looking. We already have Loud Sean. I think he may have to be Hot Sean. Dave blogged about him, and KFC and Francis have tweeted about him.
Francis came over this morning and was introducing himself to the new interns. He pointed at Sean and said “This kid’s so handsome. I want to fuck him.” He then came over later and said “You look like what I was hoping to look like when I was born.” I mean, there’s no way around it, the guy’s good looking. He goes to Fordham and I had met him a few times, but as you can imagine, a kid that looks like me and a kid that looks like him run in quite different circles. He’s so attractive that pictures of his real ex-girlfriend have been used to Catfish people. That’s an honor. All that aside, I like Sean so far. I don’t know him that well yet, but I do know his DMs are going to be flooded all summer.
Reports to: Brett
Role: Office Manager
Fordham continues its takeover of Barstool HQ. I know Dan a lot better than I know Sean, considering Dan was one of my roommates. I thought Dan was a good fit for this role just because he’s had a bunch of random, weird jobs in the past and the Barstool office manager has a bunch of random, weird tasks. So far, he’s just put his head down and got to work. Cleaning the office, building chairs, doing whatever Brett says. A+ stuff so far. The big question is what happens when he has to do stuff for Dave and inevitably messes up. Everyone messes up with Dave. I know better than anyone besides Brett probably. Dan has dealt with big stars before, he once was personal security for Tim Tebow through Times Square (seems backwards given the size difference), but even Tim Tebow isn’t Dave Portnoy. I’m most afraid of him messing up and it somehow getting blamed on me. But I have faith in him.
PS: Just wanted to give a real quick shoutout to myself. Dan lives far in Connecticut and his apartment sublet doesn’t open until the weekend, so I’m letting him crash in my basement this week on Long Island. Pretty awesome stuff by me.
Name: Big Ev aka The Double Vodka Don aka Ya Wifey’s Favorite Big Boy
School: Ohio State
Reports to: TBD
The Double Vodka Don is in the building. If you don’t know who Big Ev is….. just kidding, you know who Big Ev is. Maybe you have seen him all over the Barstool Ohio State Instagram page.
Or maybe you remember the whole saga where he got catfished into thinking he had an interview here at HQ. Either way, you probably know of the Double Vodka Don.
Here’s the problem, Big Ev isn’t officially an intern yet. Dave expressed interest because of how well he handled the whole Catfish thing, but he’s not officially hired yet. There are still some things to iron out, but he had a meeting with Dave that seemingly went well. Look, Big Ev gets a bad rep sometimes, but from the little time I’ve spent with him in the office, he’s been nothing but pleasant and he’s worked super hard for this job so I’m rooting for him.
Watch tonight’s Rundown to hear more about the Big Ev situation and get a better chance to meet some of these new faces.
I’m looking forward to a fun summer and getting to know all these guys better. We’ll have to see where this intern class will rank among those from the past.