Despite Reports To The Contrary, My Penis Is Not Bent Up At A 90-Degree Angle
So yesterday was a weird day for Barstool Sports. We were seemingly taking shots from all angles. Deadspin needed to hit their monthly pageview quota and fired a sucker-punch shot at the pirate ship. I’m usually not the topic of conversation when these fights break out but then the Chicago Reader came outta nowhere and said that my dick is bent up at a 90-degree angle. They didn’t name me specifically but they did use my picture. I don’t know why. Is it because they think I broke my dick when I did that Paige Spiranac video? Is that what they think is happening in that picture? That’s the only thing I can think of. That’t not what happened. I simply got a golf ball hit out of my ass and came away with this giant bruise. No 90-degree dick
So I’d like to take this opportunity to go on record and state, unequivocally, that my dick is not bent up at a 90-degree angle. It just isn’t. I will show the world if I have to. I will reach out to the single-digit amount of women who can attest that it isn’t bent up at a 90-degree angle. I hope it doesn’t come to that but I will if it becomes completely necessary. I’m not going to sue the Chicago Reader for defamation because that seems like a whole thing but I just wanted my side of the story on record. My penis is relatively normal-looking.
