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Captain Cons

Life Of A Suburban Dad Volume 3 - Lawn Maintenance Is One Of The Most Important Parts of Home Ownership In The `Burbs

Folks if there is one thing that many are passionate about in the suburbs, it is their lawn maintenance so let's talk about it.  This all started the other night when I had a ridiculous dream Honestly, that is what I am dreaming about out here in the `burbs. My hyper fixation on my lawn goes back to

The Crash On Netflix Is A Blueprint For How NOT To Parent

(Blogger's note: this was a terrible tragedy that claimed the lives of two young men with their whole futures ahead of them. It was incredibly sad that they died for no reason and my heart goes out to their families. Mackenzie is a murderer and if you walked away from that documentary with any other

Nicky Smokes Caught The Golf Bug - Now What?

Part of growing up as a guy is figuring out what your hobbies are once you leave college. There you are, 22 years old, first job as an adult, and nothing but free time when you are not punching the clock. Gone are the days when your life revolves around drinking/partying/answering to no one really. 

REPORT: Parents Getting Drunk At Little League Baseball Games And Harassing Umpires All Across America Is The Latest Stain On Youth Sports Culture

(This is actually one of my all time favorite gifs) In the year of our Lord twenty twenty six, we receive our news and information from all sorts of sources. Keeping that in mind, I would like to report that my "report" is just an anecdotal tweet but judging on responses, this behavior is prevalent 

A NYC Michelin Starred Restaurant Has Added "Chocotherapy" To Its Menu And What Are We Even Doing Anymore?

I want to say four things off the rip to set the table here (see what I did there?): 1. This is not a critique but rather commentary on one portion of the dining experience at this place (Elcielo). The service industry is brutal and I do not possess even a morsel of the talent that these folks poses

Life Of A Suburban Dad: Volume 2 - How To Dress

Welcome back for Volume 2 of the CBC - Cons' Burbs Chronicles (we are workshopping the name) - to discuss the next topic that is uniquely suburbia - how to dress. I am not about to list out specific brands to wear because as a grown man you can decide what you wear each and every day. Not to mention

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Captain Cons

Co Host of Zero Blog Thirty. Barstool Breakfast’s favorite cousin. Did you know I played football at West Point? Beat Navy.

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Captain Cons Merch

Unfiltered. Unapologetic. In Your Inbox.