Wonton Relocation Specialists: A Permanent Vacation From Your Problems

I made a commercial for my new venture “Wonton Relocation Specialists” that aired on this week’s Barstool Sports Advisors show. I was happy with how it came out however on Friday morning I get the following DMs from Hank.

Now I’m not one of those guys who spends all day bitching about social justice warriors and PC culture as they can often be just as annoying as the snowflakes they’re bitching about, but this triggered me. Being told that I can’t use the word Wonton because it’s racially insensitive is flat out absurd. I guess the TV channel just didn’t know I’m an expert Crab Rangoon Chef who goes by the moniker “Wonton Don” and thought it was low key racist to name my company “Wonton” just because it’s based in China. With that logic I guess it’s insensitive to use the words “Panda” or “Dragon” in any company’s name that’s related to China as well. This whole thing reminds me of the time Oberlin students tried to ban “General Tso’s” chicken from their dining halls because they deemed it “cultural appropriation” even though General Tso’s chicken was invented by Chinese immigrants.

The funny thing though, is that looking back at my commercial, there are a few things that could actually be considered racially insensitive which the TV station had zero qualms with that leads me to believe they could be the racially insensitive ones. For example, I say “we’ll find you a decent apartment” and proceed to show a photo of this shack.
That is not a decent apartment by any stretch of the imagination. Only the poorest of poor Chinese people live in homes like that. Yet WPIX probably just thought “yep, checks out, that’s always what I imagined a Chinese home to look like.” And then in the following line I explain that the apartment I find you will have a western style toilet and not “one of those holes in the ground frequently used by the locals.”
While it’s true that the majority of public toilets in China are in fact, holes in the ground, I’ve actually never seen one of these inside a Chinese person’s apartment in Shanghai. When in the comfort of their own home, Shanghainese sit on porcelain thrones just like we do in the USA. Yet once again the TV station probably saw that clip and was like “Yep, thats the Chinese for ya, always squatting over holes in the ground when they gotta take a poop.”

Advertisement

I obviously didn’t mention any of this to WPIX for fear that they would make me change my commercial more so I just edited a TV version of the video (see below) in which I changed the name of my company to “Donnie Does Relocation Specialists” but that doesn’t quite roll off the tongue as well imho. Really makes you appreciate working for a company like Barstool that doesn’t censor any of your content(as long as you stay away from politics).