RIP Mayonnaise 1804-2018. Cause of Death: Millennials

BUSINESS INSIDER: Are millennials killing mayonnaise? And, if so, should the generation be celebrated or demonized?

An article in Philadelphia magazine sparked these questions — and more — when it went viral over the weekend. The headline: “How Millennials Killed Mayonnaise.”

Here at Business Insider, we are concerned with one issue and one issue only: Did millennials actually kill mayonnaise?

In addition to her own family’s shift away from mayo, Hingston mostly relies on headlines as evidence. And, there are some powerful ones: “24 Reasons Mayonnaise Is the Devil’s Condiment,” “Mayonnaise is disgusting, and science agrees,” “Big Mayo Will Destroy Us All.”

But, murder cannot be carried out via headlines alone. For mayonnaise to die, people need to actually stop eating it.

I was trying to avoid writing about this but it’s gotten too big to ignore.  This woman wrote it for attention, and I tried my best not to give it to her, but frankly,  it’s an article so impactful it has started a global discussion.  Politicians debating it in the White House.  Movers and shakers putting their schedules aside to read the reports.  Thinktanks locking themselves in their Thinkchambers poring over the data.  So millennials, I’m sorry for the delay.  But it’s time to talk about Big Mayo.

Basically some lady at Philadelphia Magazine dove into the issue of mayonnaise and how it relates to modern millennial culture.  Her conclusion is that we’ve killed it.  A once great condiment existing since the early 19th century, dead, stake right through its creamy heart.   All of her young millennial relatives skip right over the potato salad and chicken salads at the family picnics.

“My son Jake, who’s 25, eats mayo. He’s a practical young man who works in computers and adores macaroni salad. He’s a good son. I also have a daughter. She was a women’s and gender studies major in college. Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise.”

 

(Naturally.  Women’s and gender studies majors despise mayonnaise.  That is a fact I did not know.  Identity Condiments is smack dab in the middle of the syllabus, right after Microaggressions of Cheese Plates.)

It seems like the author relied on a lot of anecdotal evidence here, such as her dumb little niece’s choice in food at the park.  She read a couple of Buzzfeed-esque articles with headlines saying mayo is the devil and attributed it to the entire society.  She even threw in possibly the worst analogy ever:

…so it’s having monster success and selling out arenas across the country?  Did Sandy even listen to Reputation?

Anyway, let’s dig into it: what about real, actual data?

Data reveals that the anti-mayonnaise brigade seems to have actually had somewhat of an impact on sales.

According to Euromonitor, mayonnaise sales fell 6.7% in the US between 2012 and 2017, the Wall Street Journal reported. The Journal reports that brands like Hellmann’s and Kraft have had to slash prices to keep shoppers interested, with mayonnaise prices falling 0.6% from the first quarter of 2017 to 2018, as overall packaged-food prices increased by 1.6%, according to Nielsen data.

Well then.   That’s pretty convincing.  Almost 7% drop in sales.   I bet a lot of that has to do with all the weirdo vegans and health trippers.  Sure enough:

More health-conscious shoppers are cutting mayonnaise out of their diets. Mayo makers have to compete with vegan brands, such as Just, that offer an egg-free version of the spread. And, there are simply more condiments in the mainstream, as the food industry continues its quest to cash in on the “next sriracha” and win over younger shoppers.

Personally I like mayo.  My health means nothing to me.  Since it’s not actually dead, more like it absorbed a couple of flesh wounds and bullets that went clean through and missed the vital organs, I will continue to use it as long as it sits on the shelves.   But the facts are out, and millennials are slowly chipping away at the health of Big Mayo.  If Mayo were a Mortal Kombat character its health meter would be down about halfway, with millennials just waiting to Finish Him.

And if the biggest online influencers are any indication, it might not be long now.