2018-2019 NCAA Wrestling All Ear Team
Throughout history, cauliflower ear has predominantly served as a “badge of honor” to combat sport athletes and a grotesque deformity to the rest of the population. As a flimsy 5’7″ man who’s afflicted with a double dose of the irreversible malformation, my completely unbiased opinion is that cauliflower ear is the ultimate sign of a hard-nosed, bloodthirsty warrior who would beat the living shit out of any given person at a bar or social event. Since no one had the balls to challenge me to a fist fight over the weekend, I did the next most masculine thing and spent hours of my life looking through hundreds of pictures of adult men on the internet. With that said, I present to you the 2018-2019 NCAA Division One Wrestling All Ear Team:
-I only used the official 2018-2019 team roster pictures to judge the ears in this competition. This was a major advantage for teams with high quality photos like Duke, and a major disadvantage for teams with extremely low quality photos like Buffalo, Cleveland State, and Ohio University.
-I was looking for overall size, girth, total coverage, irregularities, physical anomalies or enigmas, and general ugliness.
-Weight classes didn’t play a factor. There will be a First Team (10 wrestlers), Second Team (10 wrestlers), and Honorable Mention Team (30+ wrestlers).
*National Qualifier
**All American
***National Champion
ALL EAR THIRD TEAM (HONORABLE MENTION)
Josh Annis, CSU Bakersfield
Nelson Brands, Iowa
Kevin Budock, Old Dominion
Brandon Courtney, Arizona State
Hunter Delong, West Virginia
Austin Eicher, Michigan State*
Andy Gandara, Arizona State
Noe Garcia, CSU Bakersfield
Hayden Hansen, Oklahoma
Jere Heino, Campbell*
Carlos Herrara, CSU Bakersfield
Mitch Finesilver, Duke*
Jaime Hernandez, North Carolina
Peter Lipari, Rutgers
Taylor Lujan, Northern Iowa*
Alex Mackall, Iowa State
Alex Marinelli, Iowa**
Chance Marsteller, Lock Haven**
Drake McKee, Oregon State
Zeke Moisey, Nebraska**
Tristan Moran, Wisconsin
Alec Pantaleo, Michigan**
Kyler Rea, West Virginia
Dan Reed, Columbia
Lukas Rodriguez, Edinboro
Kaden Russell, Duke
Willie Scott, Rutgers
Ross Sealby, Northern Illinois
Jared Scharenbrock, Wisconsin
Matthew Schmitt, West Virginia*
Lokahi Tonge, CSU Bakersfield
Zander Wick, Wisconsin
Brock Zacherl, Clarion
ALL EAR SECOND TEAM
Connor Brown, Wisconsin* (Extreme Irregularity Award Winner)
Gabriel De Haro, Cal Baptist
Gabe Dinette, Stanford
Jake Hinz, Indiana (“Mangled By A Rottweiler” Award Winner)
Josh Finesilver, Duke*
Christopher Matzke, Edinboro (“Possibly Has A Heartbeat” Award Winner)
Jason Renteria, Iowa*
Brandon Stokes, Bucknell
Kaleb Young, Iowa
ALL EAR FIRST TEAM
John Erneste, Missouri*
Zach Finesilver, Duke*
Jens Lantz, Wisconsin
Robert Lee, Pitt
Quentin Milliken, Rider
Bo Nickal, Penn State***
Ian Parker, Iowa State
Josh Ramirez, West Virginia
Paxton Rosen, Campbell
Jacob Rubio, Oklahoma
ALL EAR COACHES OF THE YEAR
Jim Andrassy, Kent State
Nic Bedelyon, Rider
Scottie Boykin, Chattanooga
Cody Caldwell, South Dakota State
Zack Esposito, Oklahoma State
Andy Lausier, Davidson
Frank Molinaro, Virginia Tech
Clint Musser, American
Dan Neff, Navy
Lee Pritts, Arizona State
Israel Silva, Fresno State
Tony Ramos, North Carolina
Zach Tanelli, Columbia
Chad Walsh, Rider
ALL MYSTERY TEAM
Blake Barrick, American
Cameron Caffey, Michigan State
Christian Dulaney, SIU Edwardsville
Spencer Irick, Indiana
Anthony Lombardo, Wyoming
Jaron Smith, Maryland
ALL LOPSIDED TEAM
Trey Anderson, West Virginia
Nate Hagan, Edinboro
Jason Javier, Binghamton
Cary Palmer, Bloomsburg
Dean Sherry, Rider
Connor Webb, Oklahoma
BEST DRESSED
Davion Jeffries, Oklahoma*
TWIN EARS OF THE YEAR (MOST IDENTICAL)
Danny and Zac Braunagel, Illinois
All Ear Teams of the Year
1st Place: Wisconsin
2nd Place: Campbell
3rd Place: CSU Bakersfield
4th Place: West Virginia
Cliff Keen Ear Safety Awareness Award (team with most normal ears)
Lehigh University
Edit: Lehigh has been accused of illegally recycling freshmen roster pics
The “This Fucking Guy” Award
Tanner Rohweder, Northern Iowa
2018-2019 NCAA DIVISION ONE WRESTLING ALL NAME TEAM
Noah Blakley-Beanes, CSU Bakersfield
Josh Breeding, Princeton (Translates to “Prank Fucking”)
Kam Bush, Central Michigan
Gary Joint, Fresno State
Raider Lofthouse, Utah Valley (Co Captain)
Carless Looney, Wyoming (Translates to “Psychopath who doesn’t own a car”)
McGwire Midkiff, North Dakota State
Perez Perez, Iowa
Paul Pierce, George Mason
Ryder Punke, Illinois (Co Captain)
Cornelius Putnam, Oklahoma State
King Sandoval, Maryland
Tucker Sjomeling, Nebraska (Looks like someone tried to drunk text “fuck or something”)
Stanley Smeltzer, Virginia Tech
Zurich Storm, NC State (Translates to “Swiss Blizzard”)
Hunter Washburn, Northern Iowa (Translates to “Kills wild animals, Douses fla…nevermind)
Real Woods, Stanford (Translates to “Natural Erections”)
Requir Van Der Merwe, Stanford
Cooper Youngblood, The Citadel