Francis Ellis

Come, Let's Smoke The Shit Out Of Your Eyes

The more makeups I try, the better I understand the power that women have over men. These tricks are irresistible! Also, I have a YouTube channel where you can find ALL the makeup tips you need. Plus songs, standup, and more! Subscribe here, kids!

Barstool Sports Homepage

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Pubic Pitch Is My 2nd Best Sport

Everybody knows about perfect pitch. It’s a rare skill that musical geniuses, like me, possess. I can hear specific notes in my brain and sing them on cue, without reference from an instrument. But far fewer people have pubic pitch. The Lawnmower 2.0 is my favorite instrument for testing this skill.

Lipstick To Maximize Those DSLs!

Hey, it’s Tuesday. Which means… TIME FOR MORE MAKEUP! FUCK YEAH HOES!!!!!!! We’ve got lipstick today. Oh, oh baby. Get those baby wipes ready! And please. Please God. Subscribe.

The Forbes List Of Barstool Employees

The following list is an effort to rank the estimated net worths of Barstool Sports wealthiest employees. It is based entirely on conjecture. And some evidence. One time, I found a list of employee salaries sitting on the printer. And by printer, I mean in a locked filing cabinet in Erika’s office. 

Period Blood Mask (NOT SAFE FOR LIFE)

WARNING: this is by far the most disgusting, and the most feminist, thing anyone has ever posted on this godforsaken website. For more fun, subscribe to Francis Goes Dark on Youtube! Previous episode:

VIDEO: I Once Had To Explain Rub 'N Tugs To My Grandparents At A Show

A year ago, I was playing the Public Hotel in the NY Comedy Festival. My grandparents came and sat in the front row. The front. fucking. row. Did I change my act? Did I back off the cumming jokes? Nope. Put my head down and forged ahead because that’s what a pro does. You don’t worry about who might

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