Human Heart Found In New York City Trash Can

Guardian – What appears to be a human heart was found inside a pink box in New York City’s Lower East Side on Wednesday, police said. A 67-year-old man found the box in the Riis Houses on Wednesday at around 11am. According to a New York police department spokesperson, the man called police and someone from the medical examiner’s office went to the scene to remove the remains. The contents of the box are currently undergoing testing to determine whether it was indeed a human heart. It could have belonged to an animal, the spokesperson said. It is uncertain when the test will be completed. According to the New York Daily News, the man who found the heart was rummaging through the garbage when he found it at the bottom of a container holding a potted plant. Police were searching for the plant’s origin.

Good news guys! They found it! They found my heart. Conor Gillaspie ripped it out on Wednesday night and I had no idea where it was. I was too busy cleaning all the shit out of my throat from Madison Bumgarner that I couldnt even find my heart. Turns out the Giants just threw it right into one of the dirty New York City trash cans on the lower east side. Nice touch. Nice like exclamation point at the end of that story. Thanks Conor. Thanks old man rummaging through the trash finding my cold, dead, black heart.

PS – For real what the fuck is this one about? A goddam human heart? I mean best case scenario is some dude who works at a morgue or a funearl home or something is swiping hearts off dead people. Worst case is someone is out there killing people and ripping em out. Either way its not particular good.

Now youre in Newwwwww Yorrrrrrk…concrete jungle where you can find human hearts in the trasssssshhhhh theres nothing you can’t dooooo!