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Elvis Is Alive And Whitney Houston's Death Was A Blood Sacrifice For The Illuminati

The Elvis thing is self-explanatory... They misspelled his middle name on his tombstone (Aaron vs Aron), so, obviously, he must still be alive, switched genders, and currently holds cue cards for Conan O'Brien even though Conan is no longer on TV.

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But for those who aren't aware, Whitney Houston was a blood sacrifice to the Illuminati in order for Jay-Z and Beyonce's oldest child, Blue Ivy, to be born.

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("We'll take it from here, Whit.")

Oh, you weren't aware Jay-Z was a member of the Illuminati?

Well, Hova named his first label "Roc-a-Fella," and the Rockefeller family had a deep history with the Illuminati… Combine that name with his hand sign, which theorists say is a triangle (even though it's clearly a diamond) which represents the group's all-seeing eye, and Jay Z is an obvious member. 

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By the way… Beyoncé wasn't the first choice of the overlords to be Jay-Z's succubus.

Aaliyah was killed by the Illuminati because she didn’t want to be a part of their devious dealings… Members from within the inner circle approached her on at least 2 occasions, and when she proved to be an unwilling recruit, the Illuminati had R Kelly urinate all over her underage body (allegedly), crashed the plane she was on, and replaced her with Beyoncé, who is now living the life that was meant for Aaliyah.

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(I know, R Kelly… You were just a piss-pawn.)

Last thing… The aforementioned Blue Ivy probably has one of the fucking stupidest names you've ever heard, but it's about to all make sense in 2 seconds after you read her name is an acronym for Born Living Under Evil… Illuminati’s Very Youngest.

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The Twisted History of Conspiracy Theories (originally titled 'The Twisted History of Desperate Idiots') is LIVE right now and is CHOCK-FILLED with equally preposterous suppositions that only a moron could believe… So, of course, millions of mouth-breathers follow like Gospel.

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("And Tupac is still alive… Living in Cuba with his Aunt… Praise Jesus!")

Take a report.