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ANUS Episode 212: My D*ck Smells Fucked

Episode 212 is finally here, and it’s with the least heavy heart possible that I announce Troy has been officially relieved of his duties as our podcast’s intern. Thank you to all the ANUS Polyps for sticking with us and remaining patient despite Troy’s perpetual errors and blunders. Apparently, on top of being an all-around nuisance, he’s been confusing the “preview” button with the “publish” button in the backend, so the first 211 episodes were just straight up never posted to the Barstool site. I would say that he can’t do anything right but even that would be overselling him. Luckily, Troy will be replaced by a much more qualified intern, Mr. Tyler Goochman, effective immediately. @BarstoolGooch is a grinder’s grinder. The type of team player who has your back on the field and in the locker room. Also, moving forward, Owen will be joining us on the panel. And as always, Jeff D. Lowe will continue to be the producer and editor of A New Untold Story. 

In the 211th episode, the boys discuss and analyze the scientific phenomenon of dicks smelling fucked. Fair warning, this segment may come across as "lewd" or "distasteful" for some of our less seasoned listeners, but it’s not like this is our very first podcast and we’re trying to build a core audience and make ourselves somewhat marketable to potential sponsors. Fact of the matter is that at a young age, Nick developed a savant-like ability to detect, via his sense of smell, whether or not his dick, as well as the dicks of his homies, had recently penetrated a pussy (been fucked) or not. It all started when he prematurely came to consciousness during oral surgery and immediately sniffed the distinct aroma of his dental hygienist’s hyperfungal vagina radiating from his teenage wiener. There was no mistaking it. He had been fucked

Like most prodigies, Nick only continued to master his craft and harness his "power" (he's too humble to admit that's what it is) more effectively. And by his senior year of college, he was smelling the dicks of his homies and classmates at WVU, through up to three layers of garments (e.g. jeans, And One basketball shorts, boxer briefs), and accurately distinguishing not if they had been fucked and how they had been fucked. But what if I said this blessing......came with a curse?

Following the Dick Smelling Fucked segment, the boys lightened up the mood with some banter about a hypothetical "worst person in the world" candidate: A guy who is arrogantly prideful about his Cards Against Humanity abilities — recounting his best "plays" on first dates in the same manner that one would reminisce about their high school football touchdowns from a decade ago, treating his card combinations as if they were his own original jokes, and smugly flaunting his losses in Never Have I Ever.

Also in this episode, the boys discuss Nick's foreplay technique of scatting on women's chest (giving them "Mrazberries"), debate the age-old Is That A Sauce or Cream? conundrum, and not much much more. Please listen and subscribe. Thank you.