The PC Police Have Officially Changed My College Alma Mater's Nickname From Crusaders To...WTF Is A River Hawk?
Dear Members of the Susquehanna Community,
Susquehanna has selected River Hawks as its new nickname and mascot. The university announced the name earlier today during an on-campus event. The selection was made via a vote by 4,861—or 35 percent—of the university’s alumni, students, faculty, staff and friends for whom the university has email addresses and who had not opted out of the vote. Susquehanna River Hawks was chosen from among three options, receiving 67.4 percent of the vote.
Of the 1,828 nicknames suggested last fall, 170 were either River Hawks or some variation.
River Hawks are Ospreys, large hawks that feed on fish. Global birds, they tolerate a wide variety of habitats and are found on all continents except Antarctica. In 1982, the River Hawk was declared “extirpated,” or no longer existing in Pennsylvania. There are currently 150 active nests in the state, with clusters along the Susquehanna and Delaware rivers and the upper Ohio River and Beaver River drainages.
With sincere best wishes,
Members of the NMSC
NOOOOOO!!!! Wait, just the River Hawks? What about the Lake or regular Hawks? Aren’t they now being discriminated against? For shame, SU
Oh what a proud, glorious day to be linked to this $50K+(!!!) per-year private institution that only cares about making money and pretending to be above everyone else. ICYMI: “Crusaders”, a term mostly associated by people connected with reality as “A person who campaigns vigorously for political, social, or religious change; a campaigner” instead of its Middle freaking Ages connotation, was too offensive for Susquhanna University. I’m shocked Super Happy Fun Squirrels didn’t get the nod.
Honestly, out of the new choices to replace the nickname that’s been with the school for over 100 years (Bobcats, Explorers, Phoneix, and motherfucking River Otters), River Hawks is the safest PC option. Bobcats attack babies. Susquehanna obviously doesn’t want to be associated with Baby Killers. Ok then, well, Explorers seemed tame enough. Oh, wait. Christopher Columbus enslaved and mutilated the indigenous people of the Americas, who he called “Indians” cause he assumed they were from India. Being linked with a racist, blood thirsty nickname is no way to go through life. The mythical Phoenix associates too closely with reincarnation, which will offend numerous people who hold their religious beliefs to heart. Then ya had the River Otters, which is the cutest, cuddliest, least offensive nickname left, right? Right…
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OMG River Otters are cold blooded killers who attack children and grandmothers alike!!! I don’t know about you but I’m offended. Don’t River Otters care about people’s feelings and respect their safe space? Susquehanna needed a mascot that is pure vegan and wouldn’t hurt a single living creature to survive. I still say this school should make up a fictitious nickname that will only bring pure good to the hearts and souls of this vulnerable community. The Happy Sleepers or Queens Of Fun would’ve been more appropriate for this administration and coddled students who have zero idea how the real world operates. And when it’s all said and done the River Hawk, or Osprey, is essentially the Bald Eagle’s mentally handicapped cousin. As an American, I am deeply offended.
Try telling this D-III warrior on the he’s a fucking River Hawk. I didn’t sacrifice an ACL and a shoulder for 10 wins in 4 seasons as a freaking Osprey. I’m a Crusader till death or the soul patch do us part. Waves for days.
