"Dallas Sucks" Beer Might As Well Be Sweet Nectar From The Gods

Weyerbacher - This one?s for the FANS! If there?s one thing that most of the NFC East can agree on, it?s that DALLAS SUCKS, so let us introduce you to the new unofficial beer of the 2017 season! Flavor forward, this brew was made for tailgating in parking lots, celebrating first downs and big hits, high-fiving friends and basking in the thrill of victory. This totally downable pale ale was brewed with our friends that bleed green at Jose Pistola?s!

“A totally downable pale ale”. Brah, it says “Dallas Sucks!” on the can. It could be filled with goat piss fermented in Pennzoil and every maniac tailgating in Jetro will not only view it as “totally downable”. It would be revered, like I said, as sweet nectar from the God’s. A pure drink from the Heavens. Steal famous Eagles tailgate crooner Sonny’s prosthetic leg (again), pour a Dallas Sucks beer inside, and take it down the hatch and that artificial limb would instantly become the Philly Holy Grail:

There’s only one surprising fact about the Dallas Sucks brew:

General Info

ABV: 4.5%
Hops: Simcoe, Centennial and Cascade
Available: September 2017

4.5%??? That’s a light beer, brother. They could’ve easily gotten away with, no, encouraged the ABV being 40.5%. Oh, well. Fuck Dallas.

*Delco Lager is actually a pleasant surprise. And by pleasant surprise I mean you (probably) won’t go blind and/or wake up with a perc addiction while smelling like my dead uncle’s gambling debt. For real though, a decent brew.