Start Your Week Off By Watching The Just Released Toy Story 4 Teaser Trailer

Here’s a take to drink in with your Monday morning coffee. Toy Story 4 is going to stink out loud. I’ll admit that you can rarely take anything away from a teaser trailer and that could still be the case here. But I know a movie ruiner when I see one and this little fuck is a movie ruiner.

Apparently that asshole’s name is Forky and he is a homemade toy?

Oh so now we are just going to change the rules about what is a toy and comes alive on the fly? Yup, that sounds like a movie ruiner alright. Pixar’s rule committee is worse than the NFL’s rule committee. Plus that little asshole doesn’t even look interesting. For a movie franchise that gave us great villains like Sid, Lotso, and that little cunt Stinky Pete, we get Forky for what could be the final installment of the series. Instead of jumping the shark, people will talk about great movies getting Forky’d once they make too many sequels and end up with a dud. Pixar should have called it a series after they ripped our guts out in the garbage dump, put them back in our body, them ripped them out again with Andy leaving his toys with Bonnie.

Great, now I’m crying as I finish this blog

Instead they brought back the gang for a fourth movie that will probably rip our guts and hearts out again so Disney could make a zillion dollars in the theaters, have a fresh movie for their new streaming service in 2 years, and knowing they could get away with selling a plastic spork with a pipecleaner for $20 to parents because their would kid just haaaaaaaave to have the whole set of Toy Story toys.

So as much as it pains me to do it, I am calling it now. Toy Story 4 = Bust*.

Also while I am here, Woody is 100 times the toy, and if we are being honest, man that Buzz is. Woody was THE leader in Andy’s room for years, put his neck on the line countless times for his fellow toys, and when push came to shove was the toy Andy chose to bring to college no matter how weird it would have been for his childhood toy to watch him hook up in a dorm room. Buzz is just a blockhead hardo that you would haaaaaate being friends with. Pretty much Dom from Entourage of toys. Don’t let the wings and fancy laser beam likely made in a Chinese sweatshop fool you. Buzz sucks. Just not as much as that zany asshole Forky.

*I am saying that Toy Story 4 will stink knowing full well that Pixar seldom fucks up their movies and always hits with Toy Story movies. So I will delete this blog if Toy Story 4 is actually good, which it almost certainly will be. That’s called sensationalism journalism. I don’t know if that’s a real phrase either but it sounded good when I typed it