Is Stone Cold Steve Austin The Most Entertaining Man Of Our Generation?
The Texas Rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve Austin is on KFC Radio today which is enormous. Not only because he was 30 minutes of pure electricity. Not only because it’s great for the listener and great for business. Not only because I got to have a beer with my favorite wrestler of all time and check off a Bucket List item I never thought possible.
But most importantly I finally have a definitive answer to the question “who’s your favorite guest ever?” I get asked that every single time I meet someone new and I never fully, honestly had a 100% answer. Glenn Howerton and Danny Devito jump to mind. Joe Manganiello was a memorable surprise. But when the glass shatters and Stone Cold Steve Austin is on your airwaves, that question has officially been answered. Austin stomped into the podcast ring, gave Dennis and Frank from Always Sunny a Stunner (imagine Danny Devito getting Stunner’d????) and he officially takes the throne in the KFC Radio pantheon.
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Because in my opinion if you ask me, Steve Austin is the most entertaining man of my generation. I tried thinking of some movie stars that I like as much as him. I tried thinking of comedians who had a better prime than him. I tried thinking of TV shows I liked more than Monday Night Raw. I honestly can’t think of anyone who l would put on Stone Cold’s level. The only guy I think who could contend is The Rock, for all the similar reasons, and then some with his unparalleled movie career. But without Stone Cold there is no Rock. Without Stone Cold, there is no Attitude Era. And without the Attitude era of the WWF, I’m not the same guy I am today.
The world has gone pretty soft now, but there was a time when Vince McMahon had a vision and Stone Cold Steve Austin carried out that vision. In a very Brady-Belichickian way, Vince and Austin created a wrestling dynasty the same way the Patriots did football. It’s kind of chicken or the egg, or one of those “who gets credit?” arguments. Vince oversaw the whole thing, had the game plan, and built around Austin 3:16. Stone Cold embodied everything that was the Attitude Era, and executed that game plan to perfection. In what I’d like to call the official start of the Attitude Era, Stone Cold storming Brian Pillman’s house while he sat with a broken foot and a loaded gun changed entertainment forever:
Must watch at 2:38. When Pillman cocks the gun maniacally it was insanity. The USA network immediately called the WWF being like “what the fuck did you just do??” and Vince had to apologize and offer up assurances that they wouldn’t do that again.
And maybe they didn’t ever script another home invasion with a guy ready to exercise his Stand Your Ground rights, but Vince And Austin and the WWF did just about everything else under the sun. Blowing up cars, chopping off penises, geriatrics giving birth to hands, you name it, they did it. Maybe USA had a specific problem with “Pillman 9mm Glock” and they were ok with everything else, but I’d venture to guess that once they saw Austin 3:16 cooking, and the ratings and dollars he was about to generate, they shut their mouths and rode the wave.
The Austin 3:16 Era/Attitude Era ushered in a new era of wrestling that was no longer “2 men rolling around in their underwear.” Gone were the days of morons debating whether or not wrestling was real. It was no longer about the graps in the squared circle. They made it clear they were a full blown entertainment force. The brought a sex, drugs, and violence vibe to wrestling. They essentially become sports entertainment rockstars.
And at the front of it all was Steve Austin. A dude with no wrestling background, and no entertainment background, who became the greatest wrestler/entertainer to ever live. He claimed the middle finger as his own. He reinvented chugging beers. He gave everyone the blueprint on how to say “fuck you!” to your boss. He had everyone from the hallways of school to the middle of parties selling stunners. Hell, he owns a sound, for fucks sake. If someone breaks a window, drops a glass, shatters a phone, they think of Stone Cold Steve Austin. His catch phrases were the catchiest, his theatrics were the most memorable, and honestly his humor might have been the funniest at the company. More subtle than some of his contemporaries who were there strictly for comedic relief, but probably the funniest when he was at his best.
Every few months, maybe twice a year, a twitter thread emerges strolling down memory lane with the WWF. And every time it’s one of the biggest, most active threads on twitter. Because everyone loves reliving the glory days when they world didn’t give a fuck and sports entertainment was just about sex, violence and humor. All the wrestling clips, the memes, the memories are the most talked about. Good wrestling jokes and punchlines are always the funniest because they are the most over the top and the most memorable. And at the top of the list of those moments it’s always Austin. In the grocery store with Booker T, blowing up the DX Express, throwing beers at Kurt Angle and spraying the Rock with the beer truck hose. Those nights on Raw where he’d interrupt every single match with a Stunner. The actual belts he won and PPV matches he headlined don’t ever register to me when making the list of “Best of” moments. It’s purely his promos and vignettes. His out of the ring moments with the mic in his hand while looking right into the camera. For a dude my age, when you ask me to list the most entertaining TV moments from my childhood or glory days, Steve Austin is topping the list. Maybe some Chappelle’s Show skits here and there. Some memorable TV series moments from some of the iconic series of the last 20 years. But pinpointing exact moments and picking out ones that l my buddies will all remember detail for detail, exactly how they went down? Those moments will always be wrestling. And the vast majority of them are gonna include the Greatest of All Time, Stone Cold Steve Austin. Without him, without that attitude, without that entertainment, I dont think there exists an entire generation of guys who have their sense of humor and entertainment molded around not giving a fuck, chugging beers and flipping the bird. Who knows if there’d even be as big of a market for sites like Barstool Sports.